Zen Chick

Zen Chick

Slow down. Simplify. Love your life.

"There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. "

The Holidays-What Does An Emotional Time Out Look Like?

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The holidays usually invoke these emotions, dread, joy or both. You dread the family member you have to spend time with and joy comes from spending time together. It’s an oxymoron, right?

Not really when we think about all of the other emotions that get stirred up during this time of year. We may love the decorating, baking and all of the fun stuff but dread those people that we may only see once or twice a year that we have nothing in common with, or have an issue with, or in my case, the kids that have declared an “emotional time out.”

For me, at first when dealing with the declaration of an “emotional time out”, there’s disappointment, anger, and a little guilt but after I stepped back and viewed the situation with a clearer perspective what I came away with is relief! That may sound horrible to some but why put yourself through a situation that is filled with tension, hostility, and people that don’t want to be in your company?

Is that really what the holidays are all about or what society has made us believe we “should” do?

I’m not trying to be a “Debbie Downer” but let’s look at this a little deeper, who really says that you can’t take an emotional time out during the holidays? Where is there a law written that says, the cousin, sister-in-law or kid you have an issue with has to come to your house? Or you have to go there? Or in my case that I have to spend time with kids that have issues with me?

Yes, I know there are repercussions from other members of your family but what is your sanity worth? A lot I hope! And who has to live with your decisions but you in the end and you may walk away with a greater sense of self-esteem and boundaries.

So back to my personal situation, which did spark this post, for one of my kids, it has lead us to an amazing dialogue about how we got to this point and my other kid, well I’m still waiting but that’s okay, I would rather take this emotional break than to look back on these holidays as the holidays from hell. That may not work for you but peace and good vibes are very important to me right now.

Does all of this make me a little sad? It did in the beginning and it may for you too if you decide to take that time out but what may be gained is hidden treasures of awakening, boundaries and possibly an amazing dialogue.

Now I would love to hear from you dear readers, would an emotional time out be something you would be willing to risk? If not, why?

Sharing is caring, so share with someone in your tribe that might need to hear this too.

Peace, love and happy amazing holidays!

Stress Is NOT A Badge Of Honor

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“You pay for stress all the same way, no matter how good the reasons.” ~ unknown

I’ve been a massage therapist for 25 years and I see stress up close every day in the work I do with my clients. Stress is something we all experience, some days or weeks more than others and it’s called “Life.”

Here’s where my issue comes in with stress and women (sorry guys this is all about the ladies) is when I hear a woman that is “proud” of how stressed she is, saying things like “See I knew my shoulders were so tight, didn’t I tell you!” or “I knew I had all of these knots that I can’t get rid of and I don’t have time to take care of myself.”

The response I feel these women want is, “Good girl, I’m so proud of you for carrying that stress around like a real trooper and I want you to continue piling it on because it will prove you are a really tough girl!”

Society teaches us, as women, that we should “put on our big girl pants” and take everything on ourselves while the rest of the world marvels at our tenacity. That mindset translates into a warped sense of a job well done, a job that will kill us if we don’t stop holding it up as a badge of honor!

So how do you stop?

Start by listening to your words around stress, listen to your girlfriends’ words around their stress, remind yourself and them that “doing it all” is not a worthy merit badge to work toward nor to brag about.

Ease up, (I promise the world won’t stop revolving), take a little time to reflect on why you think you need that badge of honor. Is it guilt? Or a sense of duty? Or is it the way things have always been and the fear of change is standing in the way?

Taking time out for YOU is a much better badge of honor to earn and by working toward that badge, you are also teaching each of us that it’s okay to have that time.

PLEASE, we need the power and beautiful energy of women now, more than ever before. The more you take care of yourself and diffuse the stress, the more your light shines brightly on Mother Earth.

And that can heal a lot more than just tight shoulders!

Peace and Love to you all!

The Break-Up

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“Because I know that at the end of my life, sharing pics & quips & LOLs & emoticons & working diligently to create a “presence”  on social media networking platforms & eagerly seeking “likes” & “shares” & “hearts” and so forth is not a time investment that I will feel proud of. To the contrary, it’s one I will probably regret.”

~ Alexandra Franzen

It happened once again but this time it was expected, the signs were there and I had been ignoring them for a while. The lost time, the anxiety, the dilemma of what to do or not do, the anger and frustration.

Now it’s done and it was simple, to the point and not really messy at all. (okay it was a little messy)  It’s only been a few days but I feel free, light and my new life resides in the “clueless” realm.

My break up was with Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, with Instagram hanging in the balance. I also broke up with all of my news feed apps and right now am living mostly “clueless.”

What pushed me over the edge? A single email from a beautiful soul named Alex that arrived in my inbox, asking these questions: “Do I have to?”, Do I need that?”, Could there be another way?” and my all time favorite, “What would happen if I just stopped?”

You won’t find Alex on Facebook, Twitter or any social media sites, she doesn’t run her business or life that way but is a powerful writer and has been hired by some of the best, besides writing her own books.

Okay so back to me and my choice, once I asked those 4 questions, I knew that my time, (which I could easily lose on one of those sites), the ease and joy of my life, and my creativity were all suffering from information overload. Simple is what I want my life to be and complicated is what it had become from too much information.

Which leads me to clueless. You see for information that I need or want, interactions with my friends, a lunch date or Saturday morning trip to the farmers market, does the work better than clicking on an app. I am making a conscience choice of whether or not I want to ask the question about what is happening or choose to be clueless.

Let me stop here and say, I’m not putting anyone one down for being on Facebook or any social media sites if it works for you, rock it on! But this is my third round of going off and I wanted it to really stick so I went for broke by deactivating them all.

So if you are already a part of my fantastic Zen Chick community, I will still be here, listening to and writing for all of you. If not and you are reading this, please join us by subscribing below this post. I will be around on my farm enjoying the beauty of nature, my hubby, and our animal family or at my business helping people feel better about their bodies and possibly their lives.

Peace and big love!

What To Do Next……

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This is a follow up from our last post about moving a little clutter out of your life.

You have found a couple of things that you need to move out of the way so you can get very clear on the things you want to do in your life. And the next question is, “Now what?”

Here are a few of suggestions:

  • Write down your reasons for leaving those things behind. Why do they no longer serve your life? Then write down how this “new thing” will enhance your life. Even if it is as simple as, “I want to read more books to help me reduce my stress”, making that statement in writing gives it “legs” in your life.

 

  • Okay so writing down your ideas is not your gig, then call on a good friend. Say out loud why you need to move one thing off your plate to add something you really want to be doing. Have your friend listen until you have pled your case because once you start that stream of consciousness you don’t want it interrupted. Then your friend can play “devil’s advocate”, listing pros and cons to your choices.

 

  • Sit with your decision and listen for that inner voice to give you guidance. When we shut down the external world (and that includes all technology) your inner guidance will speak. Getting closer to that voice again will make future decisions easier.

 

  • Make a plan! Maybe the thing you need to get out of your life involves other people so plan ahead on how you want to deliver the news. And don’t feel like you need to apologize but instead offer a simple explanation, “Things are changing in my life right now and I’m rearranging some things on my plate.”

 

  • And last but not least, sometimes you need help from someone completely out of your tribe. A neutral third party who doesn’t know you (or knows you a little) that can help guide you through the obstacles. This could be a mentor, business coach, counselor or someone else that can see the big picture. Go for it! Anything that can move you forward, clear that clutter and move you into the things you really want to be doing is well worth your time and effort.

These are just a few ways for you to change things in your life so you are truly making room for the things that bring you joy. Stop putting these beautiful things on the back burner because your soul is calling for you to make them a priority.

Let me hear from you in the comments, have you found another way to help you remove some clutter from your life? Remember sharing your wisdom may help someone else.

Peace and Love!

It’s Spring! Time To “Dust” Your Life

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“Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow” ~unknown

Here in the South spring is in the air. Warmer days, nights still cool, more daylight and the call to plant, clean and clear clutter has a strong draw on all of us. Putting your hands in the cool earth to plant, taking a box of stuff to Goodwill or just sitting in the sunshine, lifts your heart and makes your life feel a little lighter.

Have you ever thought about clearing, cleaning and planting your life on the inside while doing all of the physical stuff on the outside?

As you leave Fall and Winter behind, which are months of introspect and taking stock of the past year, Spring presents us with the opportunity to open ourselves up to new ideas, get rid of the stagnant stuff that has us weighted down and decide how to shape the year ahead.

“To get clear on where you want to go, you have to move clutter off the path.”

Just as I have learned, if you keep piling stuff on, the voice you need to hear (the one that speaks your truth) can’t get through all of the crap in the way. The idea you thought was a good one gets left behind because the confirmation you were looking for got tired of talking over top of the clutter piled up in its way.

It’s simple really, think about the things in your life right now that are truly clutter. The things that bog you down because they don’t serve you any more or you are afraid to stop doing them. Or the little things that occupy your mind so you can stay just “busy” enough not to explore that idea you had.

If you dumped some or at least one of those things, what kind of difference would it make in your life?

I’m going to make a guess that after reading that question you immediately knew the one thing to get rid of to make room for the things you really want to do that would bring much more joy to your life.

And Spring is all about the joy of starting anew, planting seeds and growing ideas. So grab that mental feather duster and start clearing the dust off of your life. Slow and steady a little bit at a time and soon your path will be clutter free.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

 

 

Why I Gave Up Goals for 2017.

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“Make an empty space in any corner of your mind, and creativity will instantly fill it.”

~Dee Hock

It all started around the end of October 2016 when I hit the wall. My mind and my body finally said “ENOUGH” and I was forced to listen. I was done, fried, nothing was fun and everything I did was like walking through mud, slow, slogging and never getting anywhere.

I had decisions to make, was I going to stop forward progress on a dream that I had been working on or leave this dream alone and give myself the space I needed? Or was I going to push on the way I had been going?

After much back in forth in my brain and a long talk with my hubby (who already knew the answer I needed), I stepped away not promising to come back to my dream but knowing that both of us (me and my dream) needed space.

One thing that I had to do was make a promise to myself that I would not give in to any new projects because I knew what was ahead…..my brain gets “twitchy”, as I call it, always looking for something to latch onto, to work on, to feel productive.

But not this time because I felt that I needed freedom from everything, time to have open white space in my life.

I would be lying if I didn’t say the first few weeks were very hard. I would see something in my inbox, on the internet or listen to one of my clients talk about a new project they were doing and my brain would look like Jack Russell Terrier jumping up and down, saying “Let’s go, let’s go, we can dooooo this….!”

I managed to get past this (thankfully-whew!) and what happened next was surprising, my creativity reappeared, I could write again, things flowed easier and I could BREATHE! I was reconnecting with friends, making time for all of the things I had put on hold.

So as the New Year approached, I had to once again do some soul searching. I have always set goals/resolutions for each New Year, it’s what motivates me and keeps me focused.

Coming off of what I had been through though I knew how easily I could fall back into some of the same bad patterns and truthfully I was enjoying this open space I had created.

And once again words of wisdom from my sweet husband when I asked his opinion on the subject of ditching goals, “I think it would be good for you to do it.” Wow, even he had noticed the difference in me.

So this year, 2017, I’m “goal-less”, letting lots of white space surround me, continuing my promise of no new projects and allowing the rhythm of my life to carry me along.

And my dream has found me again, showing me a different direction, no pressure just gentle pushes to move me along. Lots of open space!

Who Am I?

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(Spoiler alert-yes this is about the election but not who won or didn’t, so please read on)

Like a lot of you, I watched part of the elections returns, sitting in awe as I listened to the calls of what state went to whom. My state (NC) very much a battleground state was too close to call as were many and what kept catching my attention was not the closeness of the poll numbers but the segregation of the votes themselves.

As I listened to the African American vote, the Latino vote, the White educated male, the White educated female then I heard the White uneducated male and female. WHAT? And then they started breaking down the rural, urban and city vote. Okay I can understand that one but the education one really pissed me off.

We live in a country right now that is trying to heal its wounds, work on the division that has been long standing and shore up for what is to come. Why do we need to add more divisions in our thinking?

So who am I? 

I fit the “white, uneducated (without a college degree) rural female” category so does that mean I’m less informed, unable to understand all I need to know about selecting our next President? Or does that make my vote less worthy?

I have my own business (24 years and counting), have worked in upper management in corporate America, was a teen Mom, was a single Mom raising my two girls, live on a farm now (22 years and counting) and love this country I live in.

Why do I need to be one more group to be divided and counted?

I long to hear the pollsters say, “The majority of the vote was made by Americans.”  It has such a resounding ring to it, all inclusive and to the point. Maybe after such a disappointing run for those pollsters, they might consider doing just that. (not likely but it sounds good.)

So please, I beg of all of you for the sake of coming together, for the sake of building an America we all want (even if we are uncomfortable in our new direction) let’s stop breaking down our demographics, look at your neighbor and know that your common thread is that you are both Americans.

Please share this post with anyone in your corner of America that needs to be reminded, we are all the same….. Americans!

Peace and Love to you all. 

There Is Always LOVE!

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“Love casts out fear” ~ Dorothy Day

There is so much going on in our world right now, turn on the TV, internet or just turn on your phone and you are hit with a firestorm of negativity fueled by hate, dislike or unhappiness.

Where’s the LOVE?

It’s right here where it has always been, hidden behind walls, doors and hearts until it is asked to come out in public when something horrific happens. Then it is shared across all media like it’s a new bright and shiny thing we have yet to see.

REALLY?

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing people coming together when things turn ugly, showing their love for whatever the reason or cause. I want to see more positive things on the news, social media and on my phone rather than all of the other negative stuff.

But what I don’t love is having to wait for a tragedy to happen to see all of those things in bright lights. Why can’t we see more of the love and less of the hate and fear?

Because love doesn’t sell in the media world, it doesn’t draw you into a vortex of tragedy. It doesn’t “play well” with politics or war or most news stories.

But we all need more of it, more compassion, more positive words. And it all starts with us, you and me.

We can feed the hate and negativity through our words and actions or we can send out LOVE with our words, energy and actions.

LOVE is always here, waiting, hoping for a chance to grow stronger, move mountains and change our lives and the world into a place where love lives full time. 

So send out some love right now to someone (that you might not even know) that is hurting. Give a hug to a friend or stranger that might need the support. Change your language to include more positive uplifting statements or declarations so that energy goes out in a good way.

Turn off the news, social media and your phone if you find yourself with your shoulders tight and your jaw clenched. Turn off the hate and fear.

Be brave, breathe deep and send out more LOVE.

P.S. And I LOVE all of you for spending your time here on Zen Chick!

Finding My Way Back To Meditation

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“The thing about meditation is you become more and more you.”

~ David Lynch

For those of you that have been in this community awhile I have talked about my failed attempts at meditation and how my true form of it was on my tractor mowing my pastures. All of that changed this past month when I attended a meditation retreat and truly learned what I had been missing.

First you have to know that the big “lure” of this retreat was, (a) to get away with a good friend and have some girl time and (b) to get my continuing education credits for my licensure as a massage therapist. The rest was going to be some much needed R&R.

But what I received from the retreat far exceeded my expectations and allowed me to move into a deeper level of understanding of myself and my life.

A little backstory first; coming into this retreat I had just lost my Mom after 6 months in hospice care, spending my weekends with her so as I like to say I was still trying to “find my footing” again. My life up to this point had been my work and my Mom with everything else taking a backseat. That time was precious to me and I was blessed to have it right up to the time of her passing on from this world.

Coming from all of that I was going into this retreat still exhausted both mentally and physically which proved to be the best thing I could have done. All of my defenses were down so I was able to be open and ready for anything.

Arriving at the retreat center was an experience unto itself, the place was nestled in my mountains, the beautiful Blue Ridge with a breathtaking view every morning from the window of our room. And it was so quiet, the absence of  “city noises” along with the sounds of nature immediately brought you into a more peaceful space.

Walking everywhere, eating only vegetarian food, smiles and true southern hospitality put both of us into another world.

Then there were our amazing teachers, Sharon and Tracey, who quickly dispelled my thoughts of meditating one way….sitting cross legged, breathing deeply and emptying your mind. Don’t get me wrong we did a lot of just that but it was intermixed with movement meditation, walking meditation, coloring mandalas, drumming and chanting meditation that sent you on a magic journey and learning the art of deep listening.

What started to happen to me was an amazing transformation of seeing what was really important in my life, what needed to be given up and truly appreciating the gift my Mom had given me which was a new found freedom, the freedom to regain a different balance in my life.

That gift of freedom meant letting go of so much control which had been heightened in those 6 months with my Mom which I fought all weekend. The fear of just being instead of controlling was scary and intriguing at the same time.

Two things happened that changed it all for me, a mantra that came up while I was walking the labyrinth (“All is not lost”) and on a separate walking meditation feeling the presence of someone walking so close behind me I could hear footsteps crunching the gravel.

Letting go and dropping the control thing for me translated into a feeling of not being supported since I always needed to be “in charge.” The mantra and the presence during my walking meditation (which I know was my Mom) showed me was that I would have so much more support if I just showed up, trusted and let go.

 Now here I sit, 6 weeks out from the retreat, doing my 5 or 10 minutes of meditation every morning and working very hard at dropping all control.

What have I learned? That meditating just 5 minutes every day does make a wonderful difference in how I start my day and when I feel stressed the “control issue” comes flying back full force. And when it does I breathe deeply, forgive myself and move forward, knowing that once I recognize the triggers I will be able to let go even more.

And that is a very good feeling!

   

Keeping A Sacred Space

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“Sacred space” is another way of saying “with intention.”
― S. Kelley Harrell

As I write this post there is snow on the ground, a full moon overhead and a hush in the air around my farm. The silence of snow is something I consider very sacred. Life has to slow down and all of nature respects the sacredness of the moment.

Moving that feeling of sacred into your everyday life keeps that feeling alive and keeps your soul grounded. The best way for me to do that is to have a space in my home for a personal altar. I also keep sacred objects in my car along with objects in my massage room where I work. This keeps the sacred everywhere in my day to day life.

Now before you get turned off because you are thinking this is woo-woo or too religious, stop right there! Hear me out before you completely close down this idea.

What and where you set up a sacred space is up to you, it can be on your desk at home or work, a small table in your home, the corner area of a room, a special area of your car, any place that can hold some items that are sacred to you.

If your sacred space is used for meditation then you may have a statue, candles, crystals, prayer beads and whatever else speaks to you when you meditate. If your space is smaller, like a corner of your desk, then it might be a special stone, feathers, or sacred beads. You chose what connects to your soul and helps keep you grounded.

In my car I always have small wind chimes and a tiny medicine pouch which are things that bring me a sense of protection and sacredness. On my desk sits a native pottery vase with different feathers that have come to me at different times in my life, a stone from a friend’s trip to her home town in the North and a #Truthbomb card, Medicine card or Sacred Path card that carries a lesson for my week. My massage room holds so many tiny sacred objects from different places and people there are too many to name.

The objects that reside on your altar can and will change from time to time so don’t think that once you place an object there it will always be there. Just as you grow and change on your journey so too will the objects that you connect with on that sacred soul level. Be open to any and all things.

Set your intentions, listen to your soul and create a sacred space just for you. Feeding your soul is as important for the nourishment of your health and well being as feeding your body.

Look around and find those items that speak to your soul, carve out an altar space in your home, office or car and embrace the connection of the sacred to your soul.

Your soul will thank you.