Gay Barefield, Author at Zen Chick

Finding My Way Back To Meditation

“The thing about meditation is you become more and more you.”

~ David Lynch

For those of you that have been in this community awhile I have talked about my failed attempts at meditation and how my true form of it was on my tractor mowing my pastures. All of that changed this past month when I attended a meditation retreat and truly learned what I had been missing.

First you have to know that the big “lure” of this retreat was, (a) to get away with a good friend and have some girl time and (b) to get my continuing education credits for my licensure as a massage therapist. The rest was going to be some much needed R&R.

But what I received from the retreat far exceeded my expectations and allowed me to move into a deeper level of understanding of myself and my life.

A little backstory first; coming into this retreat I had just lost my Mom after 6 months in hospice care, spending my weekends with her so as I like to say I was still trying to “find my footing” again. My life up to this point had been my work and my Mom with everything else taking a backseat. That time was precious to me and I was blessed to have it right up to the time of her passing on from this world.

Coming from all of that I was going into this retreat still exhausted both mentally and physically which proved to be the best thing I could have done. All of my defenses were down so I was able to be open and ready for anything.

Arriving at the retreat center was an experience unto itself, the place was nestled in my mountains, the beautiful Blue Ridge with a breathtaking view every morning from the window of our room. And it was so quiet, the absence of “city noises” along with the sounds of nature immediately brought you into a more peaceful space.

Walking everywhere, eating only vegetarian food, smiles and true southern hospitality put both of us into another world.

Then there were our amazing teachers, Sharon and Tracey, who quickly dispelled my thoughts of meditating one way….sitting cross legged, breathing deeply and emptying your mind. Don’t get me wrong we did a lot of just that but it was intermixed with movement meditation, walking meditation, coloring mandalas, drumming and chanting meditation that sent you on a magic journey and learning the art of deep listening.

What started to happen to me was an amazing transformation of seeing what was really important in my life, what needed to be given up and truly appreciating the gift my Mom had given me which was a new found freedom, the freedom to regain a different balance in my life.

That gift of freedom meant letting go of so much control which had been heightened in those 6 months with my Mom which I fought all weekend. The fear of just being instead of controlling was scary and intriguing at the same time.

Two things happened that changed it all for me, a mantra that came up while I was walking the labyrinth (“All is not lost”) and on a separate walking meditation feeling the presence of someone walking so close behind me I could hear footsteps crunching the gravel.

Letting go and dropping the control thing for me translated into a feeling of not being supported since I always needed to be “in charge.” The mantra and the presence during my walking meditation (which I know was my Mom) showed me was that I would have so much more support if I just showed up, trusted and let go.

Now here I sit, 6 weeks out from the retreat, doing my 5 or 10 minutes of meditation every morning and working very hard at dropping all control.

What have I learned? That meditating just 5 minutes every day does make a wonderful difference in how I start my day and when I feel stressed the “control issue” comes flying back full force. And when it does I breathe deeply, forgive myself and move forward, knowing that once I recognize the triggers I will be able to let go even more.

And that is a very good feeling!

Keeping A Sacred Space

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 24

“Sacred space” is another way of saying “with intention.”
― S. Kelley Harrell

As I write this post there is snow on the ground, a full moon overhead and a hush in the air around my farm. The silence of snow is something I consider very sacred. Life has to slow down and all of nature respects the sacredness of the moment.

Moving that feeling of sacred into your everyday life keeps that feeling alive and keeps your soul grounded. The best way for me to do that is to have a space in my home for a personal altar. I also keep sacred objects in my car along with objects in my massage room where I work. This keeps the sacred everywhere in my day to day life.

Now before you get turned off because you are thinking this is woo-woo or too religious, stop right there! Hear me out before you completely close down this idea.

What and where you set up a sacred space is up to you, it can be on your desk at home or work, a small table in your home, the corner area of a room, a special area of your car, any place that can hold some items that are sacred to you.

If your sacred space is used for meditation then you may have a statue, candles, crystals, prayer beads and whatever else speaks to you when you meditate. If your space is smaller, like a corner of your desk, then it might be a special stone, feathers, or sacred beads. You chose what connects to your soul and helps keep you grounded.

In my car I always have small wind chimes and a tiny medicine pouch which are things that bring me a sense of protection and sacredness. On my desk sits a native pottery vase with different feathers that have come to me at different times in my life, a stone from a friend’s trip to her home town in the North and a #Truthbomb card, Medicine card or Sacred Path card that carries a lesson for my week. My massage room holds so many tiny sacred objects from different places and people there are too many to name.

The objects that reside on your altar can and will change from time to time so don’t think that once you place an object there it will always be there. Just as you grow and change on your journey so too will the objects that you connect with on that sacred soul level. Be open to any and all things.

Set your intentions, listen to your soul and create a sacred space just for you. Feeding your soul is as important for the nourishment of your health and well being as feeding your body.

Look around and find those items that speak to your soul, carve out an altar space in your home, office or car and embrace the connection of the sacred to your soul.

Your soul will thank you.

Keeping Your Goals Simple in 2016

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Dec 27

“The surest way to simplify your life is to focus on what matters most.”

~Truthbomb, Danielle LaPorte

A new year, a new start and it’s time to declare those goals, intentions, resolutions or whatever you may call them.

I love this part of a new year, I’ve got my Desire Map Weekly Planner primed, pen poised and thoughts ready to flow.

And then it happened, I got absolutely NOTHING! Not a goal I wanted to reach, intention I wanted to set or anything. I was completely stuck which is definitely not me.

So I took a deep breath, walked around the house a little and then a thought popped into my head. “Keep your intentions simple, only two words” is what I heard. No long winded declaration, no long laundry list of things to accomplish. Nope, three short two word intentions. Easy and to the point.

With these simple two word intentions I know that each month I can revise, review and start over with each one if the need arises. Usually once the goal/intention is set, we start to believe that it’s written in stone and it can’t be altered in anyway. This is where things start to break down for a lot of us, we set those intentions/goals at the beginning of a new year and by the end of January all of them are broken and it feels like everything is undone. So we throw in the towel and give up for the next 11 months.

By keeping things simple, two or three words with the understanding that each month as you evolve things will change then you don’t have to ditch your goals/intentions.

So for 2016, keep it short, simple and to the point. Big project? Then make that your only focus and adjust accordingly month to month. Got a bunch of stuff you want to accomplish? Again, par it down to 3 or 4 things using only 2 or 3 words. Get creative with it and feel okay if you mark through it or add to it later on.

Let go and be driven only by what feels right to you in the moment. See if keeping it simple for 2016 is a better fit for you and your goals.

Here’s to a clean slate of a year that we can write our story all over, again and again. Let’s celebrate together the simplicity of this coming year and this is where I’m going to start:

(1) Save More

(2) Go More

(3) Write More

(4) And let my Spirit fly! (this is a declaration for my 3 intentions)

Share the “love” of this post with someone in your life that needs more simplicity in 2016!

Sometimes You Need To Take A “Time Out”

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 8

Time out. We think of it as a punishment for bad behavior in kids. Or as a break from the day to day grind.

But what if we used it in our lives as a way to step away from one aspect of our lives that may be creating a great deal of stress? That gives time out a whole different meaning.

You push, pull and bang your head against the wall over this one area of your life and it appears to get you nowhere. So you try a different approach, using head busting logic to will it to change. No luck there either.

“So now what?” you may ask. The answer, take a time out. (or a sabbatical, if that sounds better to your ears).

Whatever you call it, it should clue your mind into the notion of being put on notice…“We (you and your mind) are no longer thinking or acting on this one aspect of our life right now!”

There doesn’t that feel better all ready? Your shoulders drop down to a normal level, your jaw unclenches and your breathe begins to deepen.

This is where I am right now as I write this post, I have put one aspect of my life on notice and refuse to deal with it until I’m good and ready.

Does that mean I’m in denial?

No, not at all. What it means is I’m tired of going over the same old stuff in my head and getting nowhere, so I’m taking a time out, a step back, a beautiful sabbatical from that aspect of my life.

I haven’t set a time limit because I trust that I will know when the time is right to come back, to gently step back into the edges of this aspect of my life with a new awareness.

And if I decide not to allow this back in my life then at least I stepped away long enough to make a good decision instead of one made in haste or anger.

I know I made this sound a little too easy and it’s not, it requires some patience (with yourself) and a willingness to let go of drama, expectations and lots of head chatter. And your time out may only require an afternoon, a day, a week or it might be like mine, a little longer.

Stop beating yourself up, instead step up and allow yourself the freedom to step away. You might be surprised at the changes you make when you are ready to step back in.

Share this post with a friend who may also need to take a “time out” in their lives.

What’s Holding You Back?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 23

“A dream doesn’t die because it has no truth. It dies because you fail to nurture it.”
~Susie Clevenger

From a life you want to live.

A relationship you want to pursue.

A friendship you crave.

A dream you want to achieve.

A business you want to start.

A wound you need to heal.

A home that needs decluttering.

What’s really stopping you?

There’s a lot of emotions/reasons tied to each of these scenarios, some may be valid, others may not.

What’s the common denominator?

FEAR! (but you knew that already, didn’t you) Keep reading it gets better.

Fear in decluttering my home? Come on now, isn’t that stretching it?

Overwhelm may be the root cause of you not decluttering your home but fear also lends a hand. You may fear that you will “lose” the memories if you get rid of something or if you do start to let go of things, then what? What else will you be left to deal with in your life?

So fear can be a factor in that example but let’s stretch those emotional muscles just a little more and see the REAL common denominator in all of these scenarios.

Can you guess what it is?

Fear is the “go to” emotion when it comes to what is holding you back but I want to take you into uncharted territory now.

Ready?

Nurturing is the REAL common denominator not fear.

Want to live a life you love – nurture the desire for that life. Let it grow and fan the flame.

Want to have the relationship/partner/friend in your life – look around, reach out, find that person and nurture. We think if we want the partner or friend it should just happen, right? Nope, you have to cultivate and nurture it just like a garden for it to grow.

That dream you have or business you want to start – you have to nurture the seed of that thought and keep nurturing it, plucking fear out every time it rises up like a weed.

The wound you need to heal or the house you want to declutter – nurture yourself through the process. Baby steps are so much easier and less fearful than large leaps.

Surprised?

Fear is the reason we always reach for in these situations but when you turn it around and look at it through the eyes of nurturing it changes the whole thought process. It really puts the responsibility back on you by taking fear out of the equation.

Will fear still be around? Absolutely! But when it appears turn the fear thing around and approach from the nurturing side and see how different it looks.

Giving up because of fear is easy, working from a place of nurturing is working from your heart and soul.

Step out, nurture yourself and what you want in your life. I promise it will make a wonderful difference for you and everyone around you.

photo credit: tug via photopin (license)

Loving and Living My “New” Old Life!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 2

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams

~Oprah Winfrey

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, 57 years on this wonderful Mother Earth, and decided to follow the advice of Dr. Christiane Northrup on celebrating birthdays;

“You celebrate everything that you’ve accomplished or that you’re proud of in the past year so that you have really a celebration of your worth and your increased competence,” she says. “That’s a cool thing.”

So instead of just celebrating another year older (which is really boring) I celebrated and reviewed all of the good stuff that happened during that year which included a major breakthrough.

It all started with a major move of my business to a downtown location (new to me) and the addition of another therapist to share the space. My work as a massage therapist which was already busy got even busier. (a good thing)

Became a Desire Map Facilitator so I could share this work I love with others.

Farm life is always good and busy but for some reason a little busier. (or I’m slower…)

Personal life….okay this is where we get to the breakthrough.

Sometimes one small thing can create enough upheaval to cause you to question everything in your life and the reasons behind it. My small thing was a ongoing conversation with my adult children (start nodding your heads if you have adult kids) about communication, their lack, my overabundance. (keep nodding)

When I realized that my overabundance of communication was who I am and something that I could not change. This realization then caused the rest of “who am I and what do I want” to come tumbling down. I started picking apart every aspect of my life, piece by piece and you know what I discovered…….

That I was piling on so much stuff, trying to do it all I wasn’t truly enjoying my life.

BIG SURPRISE!

I was working so hard to do so many things, that the things I loved to do were suffering and I wasn’t enjoying them as much. Once I stripped away everything in my life and laid it all out, here’s what I saw.

I had already accomplished everything I ever wanted in my life. I started and have a successful business, I have a beautiful farm with the horses and animals I love and someone to share it with me.

So why was I working on so many projects that were taking my precious time away from the things I love?

For me, I love learning new things, this blog for instance and lots of other things. But I had lost the ability of balancing the new things I was bringing in WITH my life instead of stacking everything on top.

So now, I’m living my NEW old life with a new sense of appreciation, savoring each moment and relaxing into the beauty of it.

I’m still learning and doing new things because this is who I am also but I’m more conscience of how it will impact the life I love.

How about you, are you stacking things on top of an already full life, never savoring the moments you have? If so, step back and see what’s really important and prioritize the things that mean the most.

Living and loving your “new” old life may be the awakening and change you need.

Dear Facebook, I Think We Need Some Time Apart.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Apr 25

Dear Facebook,

I’m trying to be fair but you are not playing nice. So I think it’s time for a separation and possibly a divorce. This is no longer working for me.

I know how this goes, I’ve been through a divorce and it was ugly, painful and long. Separating from you, Facebook is turning into a long, ugly divorce too with all of the power lawyers on your side.

The children in this disagreement are two business pages which at this point I’m willing to split, Facebook you can keep one and I get the other. Again painful but it can work.

And on it goes, my personal struggle with a social media giant that is suppose to be at the very least, SOCIAL!

Not feeling the social love here Facebook.

What’s the reason behind this breakup you ask?

There were no haters (you know “haters going to hate” thing), no mean comments, no hijacks of my pages, just me being very tired of a long list of what I call, cattle calls;

“Look I’m at the gym”

“I just checked into Wal-Mart”

“Grab this coupon now”

“I don’t like or you shouldn’t like…….”

“Check out this cute puppy video” (btw I love cute puppy videos, but I digress)

And I could go on but you get the picture, you see all of this too in your newsfeed. And is it really news?

Now don’t get me wrong there were times that useful information came through those cattle calls but overall if it was something I really needed to know someone had already called, texted or emailed me.

But now I want out, delete, deactivate my personal page and keep my two business pages up and running.

“NO” said Facebook, “you can’t do that, we need to “know” who you are, where you are and what the hell you might be doing.”

Seriously???????

What you are really saying Facebook is you want to track my likes, dislikes, throw ads and other pages at me. Follow my friends and see what they are up to too. Put me in a demographic group so you can throw even more stuff my way.

And then there are the business gurus making me feel guilty if I don’t have a social media presence. “You could miss a lot of business exposure, your target audience or worse yet another “LIKE”, they proclaim.

For me, Facebook, you have really been a huge disappointment and now you want to punish me for wanting to leave you?

Well I may not win the whole battle and you may get custody of one or both pages but I will keep my sanity and have a whole helluva lot more time to do the things I want to do, like writing this blog post about you.

As the separation proceedings continue my dear community and if I leave Facebook then know that I’m still right here, sending you my thoughts through my writing on living a life you love. And unlike Facebook, when you get tired of my stuff you get to unsubscribe guilt free with no hoops to jump through.

And if you want to keep up with the Facebook drama, stay tuned to the Zen Chick page or follow Zen Chick on Twitter.

Why “Fearless” Is One Of My Core Desire Feelings.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Feb 14

“Want to bring out the best in people? Ask them how they want to feel”

~Truthbomb/Danielle LaPorte

The word “fearless” can conjure images of bungee jumping, extreme biking or snow boarding off impossible mountains. Sounds scary and fun but that’s not where I’m going with this wonderful word.

Let me show you how I see the word fearless, fear+less=less fear.

As one of my core desire feelings (or CDFs), having less fear in my life means less worry. Worry for me is a revolving hamster wheel and I’m the hamster. I want to get off that damn wheel but my ever cycling thoughts keep me glued to it until FEAR shows up.

Fear then delivers his famous, hated monologue, “what if or you can’t or think of what will happen if you do that?”

This monologue is what will stop me in my tracks causing me to question everything that I know to be right and dead on. Then fear sits and waits, oh so patiently, for me to circle back around and question everything again.

Fear is a very tricky fellow indeed!

Fearless lives at the top of my CDFs. Asking myself everyday what I can do to feel fearless keeps me off the hamster wheel of thoughts and even if I get there I can quickly find my way back off.

Here are some of the ways I feel fearless every day:

I write it out every day, my worry or fear, putting it down on paper. My journal is The Desire Map Day Planner which helps me focus on gratitude, how to live out my CDFs in all areas of my life, what’s working and what’s not. At the end of every week I evaluate how it has stacked up based on how I want to feel.
Redirecting my thoughts is how I get back off the hamster wheel, a mantra of “I want to feel fearless” may sound simple but it works.
Pushing through the worry or fear by going ahead and doing whatever it is that is causing the issue. If I’m thinking too much about making a decision or phone call or whatever I’m blocking, just pushing through and doing it works every time.

Feeling fearless allows me to push that worry away, makes me really focus on why I’m feeling that fear. Then I can make a decision based on my intuition instead of the fear itself.

Fear does have a purpose from time to time but when it blocks things that you want to do or keeps you going down the rabbit hole of worry then fear+less comes into play.

Finding out how to feel fearless every day has helped me to break some old cycles and habits. It has opened up different ways of thinking and ways to be indifferent about things that don’t need my attention.

My core desire feelings are my guideposts, my trail markers to how I want to live my life based on how I want to feel every day.

What are my other core desire feelings you may wonder?

They are, light, soul joy, playful and freedom.

Ready to find your core desire feelings and change the way you feel in your life? Join me for The Desire Map Workshop (click here) and together we will discover how you want to feel in your life everyday.

photo credit: First Tattoo via photopin (license)

“What Ifs” For 2015

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Dec 27

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~Oprah Winfrey

Awwww, a New Year is closing in and as we start thinking about the clean slate of 2015 instead of resolutions let me give you an alternative.

Here’s what dropped into my head the other day, I call it my “What If” list: (see if any of these speak to you)

What if you gave love instead of opinions.
What if you smiled all day long for a whole 24 hours (or longer if you like)
What if you turned your negative self talk into self love.
What if you decided to live your life based on how you want to feel every day.
What if you did small acts of kindness every week for 52 weeks.
What if you finally let go of the people in your life you know you need to let go of and you let them go with love.
What if you spent 2015 working only on YOU instead of trying to fix the people around you.
What if you listened more and talked less.
What if you let your heart lead your life instead of your head.
What if you just gave lots of LOVE.

I don’t know about you but this seems like a better option than the usual resolutions that will get broken by the end of January. And to close it out, I will leave you with some very wise words from a very wise frog, Kermit;

“To make your dreams come true, share them with others.”

I hope all of your dreams, goals and “what ifs” become reality for you in 2015! Thanks for another wonderful year here at Zen Chick and 2015 is going to be even better…..stay tuned!

photo credit: hnnbz via photopin cc

Why Your Wellness Routine Needs A Little “Zen”

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 30

“A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within itself,

may after all be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.“

~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

The holidays are here and you are safeguarding your wellness routine. You continue to work out, eat healthier and keep doing “all the right things.”

We jump on the healthy bandwagon thinking we have all the bases covered, exercise for stress reduction and cleaning up our diet to eliminate the bad stuff. Things are moving in a positive direction and you think you are doing everything you need to do to feel better.

But are you? Are you feeling as good as you think you should considering all the changes you have made?

There are two very important aspects of your new and improved lifestyle that you may have forgotten about, your mind and spirit/soul.

The mind, body and spirit make up a trilogy and represent a complete and whole person. Each aspect of this trilogy requires nurturing, strength training and regular engagement to be as healthy as it can be.

How many times have you heard someone say that a person they knew had done “all the right things” but still got sick. Our emotional needs, the needs of our soul/spirit are just as important as our physical body’s needs. In fact the longer you ignore one aspect of the mind, body, spirit connection the quicker chaos can wreak havoc on your life.

This is where adding a little “Zen” into your wellness routine can round things out and nurture your “whole” body.

Here are some simple suggestions:

For your mind do something that takes away your normal mind “talk.”
Everyone immediately thinks of meditation which is a wonderful tool but understand that meditation comes in many forms other than sitting on a cushion and being still. (which is fine too)
A walk in nature, alone or with your favorite pooch can be very meditative.
Losing yourself in a great work of fiction (no self help or business books allowed) can create a lot of great head space.
Journaling can create that space too as long as you don’t edit what you write or worry about getting it all done correctly.
Games like Sudoku, crossword puzzles, Scrabble (Words with Friends) or anything that challenges your mind, gets you totally involved in the moment are not only good for your focus but a great workout for your brain.
For your soul do something that truly connects you to the joy of your soul, that feeds it on a deeper spiritual level.
Sitting in nature.
Connecting with people who feed that spiritual side of yourself.
Attending a workshop or gathering that truly speaks to your soul.
And sometimes just sitting still, being quiet and going within.

These are things that you may already know but have forgotten along the way. A little more “Zen” sprinkled into our lives is what keeps us well grounded and moves us along a healing, healthy path. Try lots of different things and keep the ones that truly speaks to the trilogy of your mind, body and spirit.

As always I love to hear your comments on our FB page and share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need some “Zen” in their wellness routine.

*** To help you along your wellness journey, I have a BIG announcement. ***

Starting in 2015 I will be hosting several workshops based on The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. As a Desire Map Facilitator, I will be helping you find your “Goals with Soul”, which means living your life according to how you want to feel and setting those goals according to your “core desire feelings.” This work is deep, filled with lots of soul work and so worth it! So stay tuned right here and if you are not a part of our Zen Chick community, sign up below so you will get all the good stuff first!

photo credit: ePi.Longo via photopin cc

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