Making Simple Changes in Your Life Archives - Page 2 of 4

Keeping Your Goals Simple in 2016

“The surest way to simplify your life is to focus on what matters most.”

~Truthbomb, Danielle LaPorte

A new year, a new start and it’s time to declare those goals, intentions, resolutions or whatever you may call them.

I love this part of a new year, I’ve got my Desire Map Weekly Planner primed, pen poised and thoughts ready to flow.

And then it happened, I got absolutely NOTHING! Not a goal I wanted to reach, intention I wanted to set or anything. I was completely stuck which is definitely not me.

So I took a deep breath, walked around the house a little and then a thought popped into my head. “Keep your intentions simple, only two words” is what I heard. No long winded declaration, no long laundry list of things to accomplish. Nope, three short two word intentions. Easy and to the point.

With these simple two word intentions I know that each month I can revise, review and start over with each one if the need arises. Usually once the goal/intention is set, we start to believe that it’s written in stone and it can’t be altered in anyway. This is where things start to break down for a lot of us, we set those intentions/goals at the beginning of a new year and by the end of January all of them are broken and it feels like everything is undone. So we throw in the towel and give up for the next 11 months.

By keeping things simple, two or three words with the understanding that each month as you evolve things will change then you don’t have to ditch your goals/intentions.

So for 2016, keep it short, simple and to the point. Big project? Then make that your only focus and adjust accordingly month to month. Got a bunch of stuff you want to accomplish? Again, par it down to 3 or 4 things using only 2 or 3 words. Get creative with it and feel okay if you mark through it or add to it later on.

Let go and be driven only by what feels right to you in the moment. See if keeping it simple for 2016 is a better fit for you and your goals.

Here’s to a clean slate of a year that we can write our story all over, again and again. Let’s celebrate together the simplicity of this coming year and this is where I’m going to start:

(1) Save More

(2) Go More

(3) Write More

(4) And let my Spirit fly! (this is a declaration for my 3 intentions)

Share the “love” of this post with someone in your life that needs more simplicity in 2016!

Loving and Living My “New” Old Life!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 2

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams

~Oprah Winfrey

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, 57 years on this wonderful Mother Earth, and decided to follow the advice of Dr. Christiane Northrup on celebrating birthdays;

“You celebrate everything that you’ve accomplished or that you’re proud of in the past year so that you have really a celebration of your worth and your increased competence,” she says. “That’s a cool thing.”

So instead of just celebrating another year older (which is really boring) I celebrated and reviewed all of the good stuff that happened during that year which included a major breakthrough.

It all started with a major move of my business to a downtown location (new to me) and the addition of another therapist to share the space. My work as a massage therapist which was already busy got even busier. (a good thing)

Became a Desire Map Facilitator so I could share this work I love with others.

Farm life is always good and busy but for some reason a little busier. (or I’m slower…)

Personal life….okay this is where we get to the breakthrough.

Sometimes one small thing can create enough upheaval to cause you to question everything in your life and the reasons behind it. My small thing was a ongoing conversation with my adult children (start nodding your heads if you have adult kids) about communication, their lack, my overabundance. (keep nodding)

When I realized that my overabundance of communication was who I am and something that I could not change. This realization then caused the rest of “who am I and what do I want” to come tumbling down. I started picking apart every aspect of my life, piece by piece and you know what I discovered…….

That I was piling on so much stuff, trying to do it all I wasn’t truly enjoying my life.

BIG SURPRISE!

I was working so hard to do so many things, that the things I loved to do were suffering and I wasn’t enjoying them as much. Once I stripped away everything in my life and laid it all out, here’s what I saw.

I had already accomplished everything I ever wanted in my life. I started and have a successful business, I have a beautiful farm with the horses and animals I love and someone to share it with me.

So why was I working on so many projects that were taking my precious time away from the things I love?

For me, I love learning new things, this blog for instance and lots of other things. But I had lost the ability of balancing the new things I was bringing in WITH my life instead of stacking everything on top.

So now, I’m living my NEW old life with a new sense of appreciation, savoring each moment and relaxing into the beauty of it.

I’m still learning and doing new things because this is who I am also but I’m more conscience of how it will impact the life I love.

How about you, are you stacking things on top of an already full life, never savoring the moments you have? If so, step back and see what’s really important and prioritize the things that mean the most.

Living and loving your “new” old life may be the awakening and change you need.

Dear Facebook, I Think We Need Some Time Apart.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Apr 25

Dear Facebook,

I’m trying to be fair but you are not playing nice. So I think it’s time for a separation and possibly a divorce. This is no longer working for me.

I know how this goes, I’ve been through a divorce and it was ugly, painful and long. Separating from you, Facebook is turning into a long, ugly divorce too with all of the power lawyers on your side.

The children in this disagreement are two business pages which at this point I’m willing to split, Facebook you can keep one and I get the other. Again painful but it can work.

And on it goes, my personal struggle with a social media giant that is suppose to be at the very least, SOCIAL!

Not feeling the social love here Facebook.

What’s the reason behind this breakup you ask?

There were no haters (you know “haters going to hate” thing), no mean comments, no hijacks of my pages, just me being very tired of a long list of what I call, cattle calls;

“Look I’m at the gym”

“I just checked into Wal-Mart”

“Grab this coupon now”

“I don’t like or you shouldn’t like…….”

“Check out this cute puppy video” (btw I love cute puppy videos, but I digress)

And I could go on but you get the picture, you see all of this too in your newsfeed. And is it really news?

Now don’t get me wrong there were times that useful information came through those cattle calls but overall if it was something I really needed to know someone had already called, texted or emailed me.

But now I want out, delete, deactivate my personal page and keep my two business pages up and running.

“NO” said Facebook, “you can’t do that, we need to “know” who you are, where you are and what the hell you might be doing.”

Seriously???????

What you are really saying Facebook is you want to track my likes, dislikes, throw ads and other pages at me. Follow my friends and see what they are up to too. Put me in a demographic group so you can throw even more stuff my way.

And then there are the business gurus making me feel guilty if I don’t have a social media presence. “You could miss a lot of business exposure, your target audience or worse yet another “LIKE”, they proclaim.

For me, Facebook, you have really been a huge disappointment and now you want to punish me for wanting to leave you?

Well I may not win the whole battle and you may get custody of one or both pages but I will keep my sanity and have a whole helluva lot more time to do the things I want to do, like writing this blog post about you.

As the separation proceedings continue my dear community and if I leave Facebook then know that I’m still right here, sending you my thoughts through my writing on living a life you love. And unlike Facebook, when you get tired of my stuff you get to unsubscribe guilt free with no hoops to jump through.

And if you want to keep up with the Facebook drama, stay tuned to the Zen Chick page or follow Zen Chick on Twitter.

“What Ifs” For 2015

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Dec 27

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~Oprah Winfrey

Awwww, a New Year is closing in and as we start thinking about the clean slate of 2015 instead of resolutions let me give you an alternative.

Here’s what dropped into my head the other day, I call it my “What If” list: (see if any of these speak to you)

What if you gave love instead of opinions.
What if you smiled all day long for a whole 24 hours (or longer if you like)
What if you turned your negative self talk into self love.
What if you decided to live your life based on how you want to feel every day.
What if you did small acts of kindness every week for 52 weeks.
What if you finally let go of the people in your life you know you need to let go of and you let them go with love.
What if you spent 2015 working only on YOU instead of trying to fix the people around you.
What if you listened more and talked less.
What if you let your heart lead your life instead of your head.
What if you just gave lots of LOVE.

I don’t know about you but this seems like a better option than the usual resolutions that will get broken by the end of January. And to close it out, I will leave you with some very wise words from a very wise frog, Kermit;

“To make your dreams come true, share them with others.”

I hope all of your dreams, goals and “what ifs” become reality for you in 2015! Thanks for another wonderful year here at Zen Chick and 2015 is going to be even better…..stay tuned!

photo credit: hnnbz via photopin cc

Why Your Wellness Routine Needs A Little “Zen”

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 30

“A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within itself,

may after all be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.“

~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

The holidays are here and you are safeguarding your wellness routine. You continue to work out, eat healthier and keep doing “all the right things.”

We jump on the healthy bandwagon thinking we have all the bases covered, exercise for stress reduction and cleaning up our diet to eliminate the bad stuff. Things are moving in a positive direction and you think you are doing everything you need to do to feel better.

But are you? Are you feeling as good as you think you should considering all the changes you have made?

There are two very important aspects of your new and improved lifestyle that you may have forgotten about, your mind and spirit/soul.

The mind, body and spirit make up a trilogy and represent a complete and whole person. Each aspect of this trilogy requires nurturing, strength training and regular engagement to be as healthy as it can be.

How many times have you heard someone say that a person they knew had done “all the right things” but still got sick. Our emotional needs, the needs of our soul/spirit are just as important as our physical body’s needs. In fact the longer you ignore one aspect of the mind, body, spirit connection the quicker chaos can wreak havoc on your life.

This is where adding a little “Zen” into your wellness routine can round things out and nurture your “whole” body.

Here are some simple suggestions:

For your mind do something that takes away your normal mind “talk.”
Everyone immediately thinks of meditation which is a wonderful tool but understand that meditation comes in many forms other than sitting on a cushion and being still. (which is fine too)
A walk in nature, alone or with your favorite pooch can be very meditative.
Losing yourself in a great work of fiction (no self help or business books allowed) can create a lot of great head space.
Journaling can create that space too as long as you don’t edit what you write or worry about getting it all done correctly.
Games like Sudoku, crossword puzzles, Scrabble (Words with Friends) or anything that challenges your mind, gets you totally involved in the moment are not only good for your focus but a great workout for your brain.
For your soul do something that truly connects you to the joy of your soul, that feeds it on a deeper spiritual level.
Sitting in nature.
Connecting with people who feed that spiritual side of yourself.
Attending a workshop or gathering that truly speaks to your soul.
And sometimes just sitting still, being quiet and going within.

These are things that you may already know but have forgotten along the way. A little more “Zen” sprinkled into our lives is what keeps us well grounded and moves us along a healing, healthy path. Try lots of different things and keep the ones that truly speaks to the trilogy of your mind, body and spirit.

As always I love to hear your comments on our FB page and share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need some “Zen” in their wellness routine.

*** To help you along your wellness journey, I have a BIG announcement. ***

Starting in 2015 I will be hosting several workshops based on The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. As a Desire Map Facilitator, I will be helping you find your “Goals with Soul”, which means living your life according to how you want to feel and setting those goals according to your “core desire feelings.” This work is deep, filled with lots of soul work and so worth it! So stay tuned right here and if you are not a part of our Zen Chick community, sign up below so you will get all the good stuff first!

photo credit: ePi.Longo via photopin cc

Take A Break And Be Amazed At What Happens Next

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 15

“Don’t miss all the beautiful colors of the rainbow

looking for that pot of gold.”~Unknown

Everyone needs a break, a time to step back and create distance from something you enjoy doing. When something becomes dull or you lose focus, this is when a little time away can open up a world of possibilities.

Most of the time we think that working through this feeling of dullness or lost focus will pass and things will go back to normal. But pushing through will only cause you to lose the passion or enjoyment of something you once loved to do.

This has happened to me time and time again in my life with good and bad results. The times I pushed through are the times that I ended up hating the end result or walking away entirely.

Pushing through is the norm of our society. “Suck it up and get over it” is the cry of the people who think taking breaks are a sign of weakness and you just need to get over it.

But there is always a little voice in your head that is calling you to slow down, ease off and walk away for awhile.

Listening to that voice, your intuition, allows you to trust your heart, your soul and not your nagging mind that keeps telling you to “suck it” and keep going.

That small voice confronted me recently about taking a break from my writing schedule on Zen Chick. Not only did I have to deal with the negative chatter in my head but also the fears that accompanied that chatter.

My fears were that I would lose my passion for writing, I would lose my community on Zen Chick and that I would try to quickly find something to fill the void of not writing. All valid fears in my mind but not so in my heart and soul.

So I struggled with those fears, put them to rest and in the end gained some amazing insights during my break:

Once the cobwebs cleared from my mind, I found a new freedom. I was free to let my mind wander more (without a deadline) and the result has been more creative ideas for my writing.
I was able to see more clearly the direction I need to go in and discard the other paths I thought I needed to take.
I found the real reason for my fears that showed up before my break.
I also realized that if this break turned into a permanent one then something else was coming my way.
And last but definitely not least, sometimes you need to let go and trust!

Head space happens when you take a break and opens up a whole new world of thoughts and things that might be hiding under the stress of just pushing through. It doesn’t matter how much you love doing something, stepping away or standing back from it can re-ignite that passion and love giving you a whole new perspective.

What about you?

Is there something in your life that you need a break from right now?

If so don’t let fear or negative head chatter keep you from taking that much needed break and gaining some new perspective or just some very needed down time. You won’t regret it!

Share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need to take a break and talk to us on our Zen Chick Facebook page about what you have learned from taking a break from something in your life.

photo credit: ms.Tea via photopin cc

What’s Missing In Your Life?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 20

“When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability

to see greatness in small things.” ~ Muriel Barbery

I was listening to a podcast by Annika Martins. She was interviewing L’Erin (the force behind SisterFire) and I was struck by the realization of what was missing in my life. The answer to why I had been feeling such a void and disconnect deep in my soul.

Small everyday rituals.

I had let some of my small but very important everyday rituals fall by the wayside. These were the things that kept me grounded, soul connected and balanced.

So why had I left them behind if they were that important?

There isn’t a good reason except when life speeds up or we get hit with a crisis, survival mode kicks in and everything else gets pushed out of the way. We promise ourselves that when we get through this crisis or life slows down just a little we will add these little rituals back into our lives.

And the further we get away from them the more distant they become until, like me, you can’t figure out what’s missing in your life and why you feel so out of sorts and disconnected.

Small everyday or weekly rituals are the things that bring us comfort, ground us in the here and now and slow our lives down within the moment we are enjoying the ritual.

Rituals are everywhere if we look for them or we create them out of a need or longing in our lives.

For instance, Brenda, one of our Zen Chick community members, told me that when the Sunday Chat arrives in her inbox, she sits with her cup of tea, dog and cat by her side and reads our Chat. In her words, “It’s like an old friend has stopped by to share good conversation and tea on a lazy Sunday morning.” (thanks Brenda!)

Adding a small everyday ritual to your routine might be what’s missing in your life or it could be the one thing in the day to day hustle of your life that keeps you grounded and peaceful.

Try one of these rituals or create your own:

Take a few extra moments to enjoy and savor your morning beverage (of course mine is coffee). Sit with it and truly taste it instead of gulping it down.
Enjoy a daily walk with your favorite doggie. It doesn’t have to be a long walk but 10 minutes outside will clear your mind.
Sit at the dinner table and enjoy your evening meal. Turn off the TV and turn on some quiet music.
Spend 10 minutes daily doing yoga or some form of stretching.
Write it down. If things were crazy in your day, clear your mind by putting it on paper and leaving it on the page. If it was a good day, write that down also, noting what went well.
Block out 10-15 minutes before bedtime, to read, meditate or just relax. No TV or computers allowed during this time.
And the most important ritual to do every day; do what connects you to the Divine, be it prayer, sitting in nature, meditation or just sitting quietly.

Life will speed up from time to time and yes, your rituals will find themselves tossed to the side but don’t let them stay away too long or like me, your soul will speak up and let you know what’s missing in your life.

Now it’s your turn to share, post one of your small everyday rituals that keeps you grounded and connected, on our Zen Chick Facebook page. Sharing these simple rituals with each other can help all of us handle the unexpected and the hurried when it arrives at our door.

photo credit: Wolfyy via photopin cc

The Art Of Not Being Busy.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Aug 23

“Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to” ~ Rob Bell

See if you can relate to any of these sayings;

“I’m so very busy”
“I’m crazy busy”
“Today is a busy day”
“My life is just busy.”

Sound familiar?

Busy is a word that gets thrown around a lot and it is used for various reasons. Sometimes we are trying to deflect a project we just don’t want to do. Or a request for something that really doesn’t fit into our lives. Or it’s just a way of saying “Hey I’m important because I’m so freakin busy!”

The word busy can become a crutch, a catch all phrase that allows us to throw up a road block when we either don’t want to deal with something or our ego needs a little extra fuel.

I’m here to confess that I’m as guilty as anyone for using this word and it has served its purpose well. Recently though I got called out on the use of the busy word in a blog post from one of the bloggers I follow, Courtney Carver, and it made me rethink how and why I use this busy word.

I started to notice that sometimes it was an automatic response and before I knew it the word busy was out of my mouth. Then when I did catch it I had to think about the “truth” behind that busy word and face the real reason I was throwing it out there for someone else to catch.

Busy also showed me that I was using it for things that I should do instead of things I wanted or could do. For instance, I should be busy cleaning the house when what I really want to do is read a book or ride my horse.

After looking at the reasons I use the word busy, this quote about “Busy is a drug” really made me understand how it can be used as an escape or can keep you away from the things that you truly want to do in your life.

So let’s find some ways to help you be less busy and give space to the things that you truly want to do:

There is a great saying about how you will be remembered in your lifetime and it’s not for how busy you were or how clean your house was but how well you lived your life and the way you treated others. Keep this little tidbit in mind when busy comes knocking.
Become very aware of how you are using the word busy, are you trying to deflect something you really don’t want to do? If so, try another way of saying it like, “Right now that just doesn’t fit into my life but I appreciate the offer.“
See if your busy is all about what you should do as in “I should be doing this but I really want to do that.” Ask yourself how important that should really is.
Start organizing your time better. Take only one thing each day off your busy list and do it, spending all of your energy on that one item. Or don’t even have a list at all and when you start your day just say to yourself that this is the one thing I want to accomplish today. (the bonus here is when you dedicate yourself to one thing you will be surprised at what you really get done)
Know your limitations! You don’t have to save the world in a day or a week and the word “No” is a positive word for you to start using more often.
Make sure you always have time for YOU because when we do, do, do for everyone else and we leave ourselves out of the equation, the word busy becomes a very big part of our vocabulary. Give into some “me time” and what you give out to others will be an equal energy exchange.

Try a few of these suggestions and see if the word busy starts to leave your life a little more often. I would love to hear your comments over on the Zen Chick FB page, so come on over and tell us your thoughts on the use of the word busy.

photo credit: Fran Simó via photopin cc

What Is The Real Cost Of Your Stuff?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Aug 9

“Where does stuff go when it dies, does it go to stuff heaven?”~George Carlin

The cost I’m referring to is not the monetary value of the stuff you surround yourself with but how all of that stuff can cost you precious time and energy.

Intrigued? Let me show you what I have learned recently.

This little cost fact became very evident to me as I was packing up my office for my move into my new space. Although I had gotten rid of a great deal of my stuff in my last move I still found lots of stuff that I was holding onto for no good reason.

This stuff cost me time because I had to go through it as I was packing. Then it cost me energy when the moving crunch set in because I packed it up to deal with it later.

I did deal with it once I was in my new office but again it slowed down the process because it took both time and energy to sort and decide what to do with each item.

Spending a little extra time weeding through your stuff on a regular basis=less time being overwhelmed by a larger weeding project when you let things collect.

Along with my move into my new office, my hubby and I are in the midst of a remodeling project in our laundry room at home. What do you think we discovered there? Lots of stuff that needed to be moved to its proper location or needed to find a new home elsewhere.

And the really bright side to all of this was less stuff=less money for the project because it cut the cost of storage space we thought we had to have.

Which lead me to this realization:

As I’ve gotten older (that’s older and wiser, thank you!) is how much stuff I would be leaving behind for my children to deal with and how I truly don’t want that for my kids. Having dealt with such situations in my lifetime I know what a heavy burden it is to leave for anyone you love.

For that reason and the fact that I’m truly enjoying less things in my life, I am trying to decrease as much stuff as possible. I’m giving things to my children ahead of time so I can share in their joy while I’m with them.

I’ve also found ways to combine some of my most precious things into something that has wonderful memories for me.

I did this recently with some jewelry combining my engagement ring with my grandmother’s diamond from her engagement ring to make a very unique ring that holds even more memories for me.

The best part of this combining memories was paying for the whole thing by cashing in the jewelry that I never wore.

Less stuff=making your own unique memories.

Letting go of stuff doesn’t mean you will lose the memory of something or someone because memories live on in your mind not in the physical thing. But letting go of some of your stuff means you have time to make more memories instead of being a slave to taking care of the stuff.

Less stuff=more time to do what you want to do with your life.

Do you want to be remembered for the stuff you had or the time you shared with the people you love while having a life you truly wanted to live?

Look around you and see what stuff you have that might give someone else joy or the ability to feel good about themselves. Start the process slowly and over time you will find ways to combine some of your most precious memories into something uniquely yours.

I would love to hear from you about how having a few less things has made your life a little better and how you combined some of your most precious things to make them extra special for you.

photo credit: Spiced Coffee via photopin

Write It Down

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Mar 22

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” ~William Wordsworth

I have a confession to make, as a writer I find it difficult to journal. There I said it!

Now let me expand on this confession a little more, I can journal and I do journal (some) but I have a difficult time staying consistent with my journaling. I also have a tendency to edit my thoughts before putting them on paper which is never good. Hence my dilemma with journaling.

So if you were thinking this is one more blog post about the importance of journaling, it’s not. It is about learning to put thoughts and ideas on paper and why this type of writing is important in moving you forward in your life.

“The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.” ~Norbet Platt

This type of writing allows me to write out creative thoughts or to unclutter my mind when I feel I’m at an impasse on a decision. I also use it as a tool to flush out thoughts that circle my head like a vulture, the ones that pick at my brain and never seem to go away. For those, I simply write them down to get them out of my head space.

I like to write with pen and paper and I love notebooks so these are my favorite tools for writing, using different notebooks for specific writing projects. For some, writing on the computer allows more ease of flow and creating separate folders or documents are the same as separate notebooks. Paper or computer doesn’t matter what matters is which one will give you easy access when the writing urge strikes.

When I use this type of writing for jotting down creative ideas or thoughts for future blog posts, I create a written trail to follow later. I can go to that notebook, skim through the pages and pick out parts that work for the project or post I’m working on. For me it’s a “treasure hunt”, finding the beautiful gem of writing that fits perfectly. It also allows me to see where my creative process has been and how it has evolved.

The notebook ( yep, I do have a different one) that contains a jumble of thoughts or just brain uncluttering allows me to look back and see if I’ve resolved or moved past whatever the issue may have been. It’s a way to keep in touch with my inner wisdom and teaches me to listen more closely to that inner voice.

Some may call this journaling but to me it’s a little more unstructured but I will admit it accomplishes the same purpose. It opens and clears my mind allowing me to find my own path through my thoughts.

If you are not writing things down, (to-do-lists do not count here!) start unwinding your thoughts with a little notebook time:

Grab a notebook and just unload your brain on page 1. Once you start you will be surprised at what may appear.
Working on a project? Have a separate notebook for your creative thoughts so you can reread your work and pull ideas together. This is much better than keeping it in your head which is what I use to do.
Sit with these notebooks regularly, even if you only write one sentence. It’s all about getting it on paper or the computer.
Go back and reread often, marking out things that are no longer valid or you have already used in your creative work. If I have used all of the stuff on a page, then I tear it out. This lets me know that those ideas or thoughts are long gone.
Just try it and see if it works for you along your journey.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you get your “writing on” and how it has helped you along your journey we call living. Share your comments in the comment section below and share the love of this post with someone you feel would love to start their own writing habit.

photo credit: JohnONolan via photopin cc

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