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Zen Chick

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"There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. "

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My “10 things for 2021” list and how I did.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Dec 1

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

As I look back to January of this year, I’m reflecting on “My 10 things for 2021”, which were things I wanted to do and stand for, in place of goals and intentions. Looking back, I see what things I want to carry into 2022, what needs to be tweaked, and how well I accomplished these things on my list. So I thought I would share my end-of-year ritual with you…..

Here’s my list:

#1 – To stand in my truth as much as I can, this means not giving into someone else’s truth, I can listen and learn but I don’t need to sacrifice my truth for theirs.

#2 – To get very clear on that truth, through my meditation and writing.

#3 – To do a better job of staying in touch with my friends, yes I do well, but I think the physical act of writing notes and letters is even better, including phone calls.

#4 – To make sure my health and well-being (both physical and mental) are a priority and to safeguard that above all else, fill my cup first so I can give later.

#5 – Be bold enough to put my dreams and ideas into action. I proved to myself in 2020 by finally painting that I can do it and I just need to do more.

#6 – Be as open as possible to change, which could mean a different career or something else. Big or small.

#7 – LET SHIT GO, quit worrying and chewing on things, the past is truly the past and it can’t be changed so why replay it.

#8 – Enjoy the moments with my hubby and our girls, live each day as it is the only one I will have.

#9 – ENJOY LIFE DAMMIT, it may not be perfect but live with no regrets of not living it fully.

#10 – Share the love!

So how did I do?

#1 & #2 – I feel I have done well in standing in my truth and listening to other truths. My daily meditation and writing practice have helped so much and are such a part of my well-being.

#3 – I still feel I want to write more notes and letters (written words are things that you can read again and again which is very important) Also, it means a lot that someone took the time to write to you!

#4 – Doing better because the anxiety I was feeling had lots to do with not using my time well (yep sounds a little crazy but doing things that didn’t deserve my time caused the anxiety – Thanks Marie Forleo and Time Genius!)

#5 – I’m a little behind the curve on this one, yes I’ve made some strides, like working with my horse again and teaching her a new technique, taking a month-long course, and completing it, but I feel there is more to do so will stay open to what comes my way.

#6 – This I got, change is ongoing and I always strive to be open to all possibilities.

#7 – Oh yes, another anxiety-induced issue that I have learned gets you nothing so I have been so much better at letting shit go!

#8 – Covid helped show me a lot about this but it is always a work in progress and something I always want to strive for improvement.

#9 – Once I realized what little things I was doing to myself and getting anxious over, that reality made my life so much more enjoyable that now I am living my best life, even when things go south.

#10 – We all want to be loved and I try very hard to tell my peeps that I love them on a regular basis. (this includes all people in my life because love grows in lots of ways)

As I look back on my list and now evaluate how well I have done, yes there may be a few things I may change or tweak a little but overall this list is very evergreen and I can see it becoming my “thing” to revisit every December. To me, these are lessons in living my best life, which is what we all strive for, isn’t it?

What about you, my friend, what will be your list for 2022? Remember not every list has to start at the beginning of a new year, it can start on your birthday year, or you could do a mini version every 6 months, either way, make it about how YOU want to live your best life!

Let me hear your thoughts or one item from your list in the comments. I love hearing from all of you!

Peace and Love!

 

Your Mama don’t need to give you permission.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 3

Hello, 2021!

We have all lived through the tough year of 2020, and we welcome the new year with open arms, pinning our dreams and hopes to it, making our lists, and checking them twice. Call those lists resolutions, intentions, goals, or whatever, you have set down some sort of promise to this new year and yourself.

For me, I did my list a little different, calling it My 10 things for 2021, which consists of how I want to truly live my life, how I want to show up in the world as the real version of me, and what I don’t want in my life now. Before making my new list of 10 things, I first had to settle my struggle with permission.

First, let me circle back to the fall of 2020, when I had the realization that I was waiting for someone (don’t know who) to grant me permission to paint again, something I had not done in 40+ years. I had all my supplies ready to go, I even had what I wanted to paint in my head but I could not get it on the canvas.

Yes, there was fear involved, the fear of not getting it right like someone would correct me and point out my mistakes, but I knew there was something much bigger.

I was waiting for permission to start.

From whom, I do not know but in my head, I was waiting for the “Okay, go ahead, you have my permission” before I could start.

Once I had that realization, here’s what I did, I put on some disco music (yep, Donna Summers, Bee Gees) and started painting, not caring if it was perfect or if I was ready, I just started. And what I had envisioned in my head came out on my canvas, maybe not perfect in someone else’s eyes but perfect in mine and that’s is all that matters. And I’m continuing to paint and enjoying it more and more.

Ask yourself this, is the reason the same dreams/projects/ideas keep showing up year after year on your New Year’s list is because you may be waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to start? And waiting for the “right” moment, time, or full moon eclipse to start is the exact same thing as waiting for permission.

What one thing will you take from your list and put into action in this new year, even before you feel ready? I’m granting you permission to bring more of YOU to the world and I hope you do!

Here’s to all of us, my wonderful tribe, to starting before we are ready!

 

 

Image by PicsbyFran from Pixabay

Eat your cake first, shake up your reward system

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 20

“Joy is the ultimate reward in life.”
― Sunday Adelaja

January is almost gone and with the month ending, reflection begins on the New Year’s resolutions, intentions or goals. Am I still doing what I set out to do or do I need to look for ways to keep the momentum going?

Just like the quote says, “Joy is the ultimate reward in life”, so when the resolve starts wavering the joy gets lost. Would more time or a different way to do things help?

Here are my thoughts…….

Knowing there was a reward waiting for me when I finished an extra workout, write an extra blog post, clean out a drawer/closet, would help my momentum but not necessarily my joy.

So I decided to switch it up and get the reward first……you know the saying “Eat dessert first.”

For me, I have found if I rewarded myself first, “I’m going to take a walk with the dogs and then I will sit with my project for the next 30 minutes,” my 30 minutes would last longer before my attention span hollered for the next reward/break.

Now I know for some this may seem like a bad idea, you may wander down a rabbit hole and never get your work done, which may be true unless you set a time limit for your reward too.

And that’s the key, your reward has to be on a time limit to balance out the benefit of reward first then work.

Tiny steps will move you forward in both reward and work balance, giving you the ability to get more done without feeling like you have to put your nose to the grindstone before you get to take the reward break.

Give it a try, switch up your reward system and see if there is more “joy” in your life, the joy in knowing that your New Year’s resolutions will survive in the long run.

 

Tiny Action Steps = The Wake-Up Call For Your Life

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Feb 23

“Baby steps count, too, as long as you’re moving forward.”

~Chris Gardner

I have been struggling with something, and maybe you can relate. A couple of years ago, I declared lots of white space in my calendar after hitting the wall, HARD, and burning down and out. 

Last year, I still set no goals or agendas, letting things free flow and waiting for something to drop from the sky: a project, an agenda, a reason to focus and work. 

Nothing! 

Okay I thought, I will still allow white space and time, letting the Universe tell me what I need to do.

Still Nothing!

Let me stop right here and say, I’m not a proponent for busy just to say I’m busy because creativity and ideas do need white space and time for things to take form. But what I have discovered this new year, is you need to take action in the form of movement for the Universe (aka Muse) to take you seriously. 

Baby steps to let the Universe know that you are ready to move forward, that you are welcoming what it may bring your way and you are ready to receive. 

During my morning meditation the message I received from my Sacred Path cards, was Warbonnet, which means Advance. Here’s one of the questions from the card’s description:

“Am I willing to be a pathfinder and to explore the possibilities of my future creations by boldly taking action now?”

Small steps, revisiting some creative ideas, tweaking some projects, setting a simple agenda to start working on some of these things I’ve started dusting off. Showing the Universe that I am here and I’m ready once again.

So I ask of you, “Are you ready to take that action, to move forward with baby steps, and explore your future creations?”

I hope you will join me in not being busy for the sake of doing something but moving toward that project, idea or thought that keeps dogging you. See if it is worthy of your time and energy or if there is something beyond that old idea that needs more of your attention. 

2019 is our year of putting things out in the world that the world needs. That “need” is YOU, your ideas, energy and how you show up for others.

Peace, Love and Tiny Steps!

P.S. I was interviewed Monday by a local writer, here is the article.

If you are on FB, you can find it here. Feel free to share and show this writer some love by following. Thanks!

Kick Off 2019 By Giving Us The Real You!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 1

“Be yourself–not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” –Henry David Thoreau

The start of a new year means a “do over” for most of us, a fresh start, kick the old year out of our lives and welcome the new one with open arms. Yay, you made it!

Now comes the question, “resolutions, goals, intentions, or what?” Let me answer this one for you, how about showing up every day as the REAL you? The true one, the authentic person that I want to see. That the world needs right now.

A little scary, yep.

Easy?

Hell no, it’s a journey that requires you to step up, step away, run away, worry, fear, judge yourself, judge others, exhaust yourself and then surrender.

But you surrender to who you really are and how that makes you feel.

Ask yourself these two questions when you feel yourself running for the safety of agreement with someone or something;

“Is this how I really want to present myself to the world?”

“Does my soul feel happy with this choice?”

That’s how you start showing up as the real you by looking at your choices, your answers and how you judge someone or something and deciding if it rings true to YOUR values and beliefs.

So start this year by standing in your truth and make your beautiful mark on the world. I’m standing right beside you holding your hand and encouraging you onward. And I promise, your year will be better for it!

Peace and Love,

Zen Chick

 

My Independence Day – One Year Later

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jul 22

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver

(disclaimer: this article is not intended to “shame” anyone who is still on FB or Twitter, it is about my journey and what I have learned this past year.)

My Independence Day is actually on July 19th, 2017, when I declared my independence from Facebook and Twitter by deactivating both accounts. As I celebrate my one year anniversary, I want to share with you what I have learned.

Let me begin by being completely honest, I still have an Instagram account that I visit maybe every 4 or 5 days, sometimes less frequently, so I do have a social media connection, but Facebook was my biggest addiction, with Twitter jumping in from time to time.

One year later and yes I documented the day to see how long I could go without the lure of FB and Twitter, life continues to go on, the world is still turning, and my ability to connect is stronger than ever!

What???? You can connect without social media (yes you know this already but let me remind you)

I have had lunches, dinners, and coffees, catching up with people who I have not seen in years by reaching out with emails, calls or letters and been more “social” in the last year since ditching social media than ever before.

I am doing more reading and writing, even starting a series here on Zen Chick called Spirit Moon Notes, delivered before the new and full moon of each month. Each note, explains the energy associated with those moon phases and gives a journal prompt to help you process that energy.

My creativity and intuition are better because I have more time for them both and I can listen more closely to them. I’m more connected with nature and the natural rhythms of life.

Now, before you think that its all been rainbows and unicorns, it has not, the first week, I got itchy, wanting something to distract me, like social media. There are still times when I get my addiction other ways, like the news feed app, which I recently deleted from my phone and iPad. And I do catch myself reaching for Instagram too often at times so again; I deleted the app.

My “monkey mind” is a busy little thing and I have to direct that cute little monkey to things that are worthy of my attention. It’s a process, and as long as I have a phone, iPad, and computer, the temptation will always be there.

But the difference I see in my life right now and the fact that I don’t miss FB or Twitter, keeps me moving forward with my “independence.” And for me, that feels good.

Let me hear from you in the comments; is there something in your life (not necessarily social media) that you have let go of that has given you a new sense of freedom or independence?

Sharing is caring, so please share because we all learn from each other.

Peace and Love!

 

 

The Break-Up

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jul 23

“Because I know that at the end of my life, sharing pics & quips & LOLs & emoticons & working diligently to create a “presence”  on social media networking platforms & eagerly seeking “likes” & “shares” & “hearts” and so forth is not a time investment that I will feel proud of. To the contrary, it’s one I will probably regret.”

~ Alexandra Franzen

It happened once again but this time it was expected, the signs were there and I had been ignoring them for a while. The lost time, the anxiety, the dilemma of what to do or not do, the anger and frustration.

Now it’s done and it was simple, to the point and not really messy at all. (okay it was a little messy)  It’s only been a few days but I feel free, light and my new life resides in the “clueless” realm.

My break up was with Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, with Instagram hanging in the balance. I also broke up with all of my news feed apps and right now am living mostly “clueless.”

What pushed me over the edge? A single email from a beautiful soul named Alex that arrived in my inbox, asking these questions: “Do I have to?”, Do I need that?”, Could there be another way?” and my all time favorite, “What would happen if I just stopped?”

You won’t find Alex on Facebook, Twitter or any social media sites, she doesn’t run her business or life that way but is a powerful writer and has been hired by some of the best, besides writing her own books.

Okay so back to me and my choice, once I asked those 4 questions, I knew that my time, (which I could easily lose on one of those sites), the ease and joy of my life, and my creativity were all suffering from information overload. Simple is what I want my life to be and complicated is what it had become from too much information.

Which leads me to clueless. You see for information that I need or want, interactions with my friends, a lunch date or Saturday morning trip to the farmers market, does the work better than clicking on an app. I am making a conscience choice of whether or not I want to ask the question about what is happening or choose to be clueless.

Let me stop here and say, I’m not putting anyone one down for being on Facebook or any social media sites if it works for you, rock it on! But this is my third round of going off and I wanted it to really stick so I went for broke by deactivating them all.

So if you are already a part of my fantastic Zen Chick community, I will still be here, listening to and writing for all of you. If not and you are reading this, please join us by subscribing below this post. I will be around on my farm enjoying the beauty of nature, my hubby, and our animal family or at my business helping people feel better about their bodies and possibly their lives.

Peace and big love!

Who Am I?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 14

(Spoiler alert-yes this is about the election but not who won or didn’t, so please read on)

Like a lot of you, I watched part of the elections returns, sitting in awe as I listened to the calls of what state went to whom. My state (NC) very much a battleground state was too close to call as were many and what kept catching my attention was not the closeness of the poll numbers but the segregation of the votes themselves.

As I listened to the African American vote, the Latino vote, the White educated male, the White educated female then I heard the White uneducated male and female. WHAT? And then they started breaking down the rural, urban and city vote. Okay I can understand that one but the education one really pissed me off.

We live in a country right now that is trying to heal its wounds, work on the division that has been long standing and shore up for what is to come. Why do we need to add more divisions in our thinking?

So who am I? 

I fit the “white, uneducated (without a college degree) rural female” category so does that mean I’m less informed, unable to understand all I need to know about selecting our next President? Or does that make my vote less worthy?

I have my own business (24 years and counting), have worked in upper management in corporate America, was a teen Mom, was a single Mom raising my two girls, live on a farm now (22 years and counting) and love this country I live in.

Why do I need to be one more group to be divided and counted?

I long to hear the pollsters say, “The majority of the vote was made by Americans.”  It has such a resounding ring to it, all inclusive and to the point. Maybe after such a disappointing run for those pollsters, they might consider doing just that. (not likely but it sounds good.)

So please, I beg of all of you for the sake of coming together, for the sake of building an America we all want (even if we are uncomfortable in our new direction) let’s stop breaking down our demographics, look at your neighbor and know that your common thread is that you are both Americans.

Please share this post with anyone in your corner of America that needs to be reminded, we are all the same….. Americans!

Peace and Love to you all. 

What’s Holding You Back?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 23

“A dream doesn’t die because it has no truth. It dies because you fail to nurture it.”
~Susie Clevenger

From a life you want to live.

A relationship you want to pursue.

A friendship you crave.

A dream you want to achieve.

A business you want to start.

A wound you need to heal.

A home that needs decluttering.

What’s really stopping you?

There’s a lot of emotions/reasons tied to each of these scenarios, some may be valid, others may not.

What’s the common denominator?

FEAR! (but you knew that already, didn’t you) Keep reading it gets better.

Fear in decluttering my home? Come on now, isn’t that stretching it?

Overwhelm may be the root cause of you not decluttering your home but fear also lends a hand. You may fear that you will “lose” the memories if you get rid of something or if you do start to let go of things, then what? What else will you be left to deal with in your life?

So fear can be a factor in that example but let’s stretch those emotional muscles just a little more and see the REAL common denominator in all of these scenarios. 

Can you guess what it is?

Fear is the “go to” emotion when it comes to what is holding you back but I want to take you into uncharted territory now.

Ready?

Nurturing is the REAL common denominator not fear. 

Want to live a life you love – nurture the desire for that life. Let it grow and fan the flame.

Want to have the relationship/partner/friend in your life – look around, reach out, find that person and nurture. We think if we want the partner or friend it should just happen, right? Nope, you have to cultivate and nurture it just like a garden for it to grow.

That dream you have or business you want to start – you have to nurture the seed of that thought and keep nurturing it, plucking fear out every time it rises up like a weed.

The wound you need to heal or the house you want to declutter – nurture yourself through the process. Baby steps are so much easier and less fearful than large leaps.

Surprised?

Fear is the reason we always reach for in these situations but when you turn it around and look at it through the eyes of nurturing it changes the whole thought process. It really puts the responsibility back on you by taking fear out of the equation.

Will fear still be around? Absolutely! But when it appears turn the fear thing around and approach from the nurturing side and see how different it looks.

Giving up because of fear is easy, working from a place of nurturing is working from your heart and soul.

Step out, nurture yourself and what you want in your life. I promise it will make a wonderful difference for you and everyone around you.

   

photo credit: tug via photopin (license)

Loving and Living My “New” Old Life!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 2

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams

~Oprah Winfrey

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, 57 years on this wonderful Mother Earth, and decided to follow the advice of Dr. Christiane Northrup on celebrating birthdays;

“You celebrate everything that you’ve accomplished or that you’re proud of in the past year so that you have really a celebration of your worth and your increased competence,” she says. “That’s a cool thing.”

So instead of just celebrating another year older (which is really boring) I celebrated and reviewed all of the good stuff that happened during that year which included a major breakthrough.

It all started with a major move of my business to a downtown location (new to me) and the addition of another therapist to share the space. My work as a massage therapist which was already busy got even busier. (a good thing)

Became a Desire Map Facilitator so I could share this work I love with others. 

Farm life is always good and busy but for some reason a little busier. (or I’m slower…)

Personal life….okay this is where we get to the breakthrough.

Sometimes one small thing can create enough upheaval to cause you to question everything in your life and the reasons behind it. My small thing was a ongoing conversation with my adult children (start nodding your heads if you have adult kids) about communication, their lack, my overabundance. (keep nodding)

When I realized that my overabundance of communication was who I am and something that I could not change. This realization then caused the rest of “who am I and what do I want” to come tumbling down. I started picking apart every aspect of my life, piece by piece and you know what I discovered…….

That I was piling on so much stuff, trying to do it all I wasn’t truly enjoying my life.

BIG SURPRISE!

I was working so hard to do so many things, that the things I loved to do were suffering and I wasn’t enjoying them as much. Once I stripped away everything in my life and laid it all out, here’s what I saw.

I had already accomplished everything I ever wanted in my life. I started and have a successful business, I have a beautiful farm with the horses and animals I love and someone to share it with me.

So why was I working on so many projects that were taking my precious time away from the things I love?

For me, I love learning new things, this blog for instance and lots of other things. But I had lost the ability of balancing the new things I was bringing in WITH my life instead of stacking everything on top.

So now, I’m living my NEW old life with a new sense of appreciation, savoring each moment and relaxing into the beauty of it.

I’m still learning and doing new things because this is who I am also but I’m more conscience of how it will impact the life I love. 

How about you, are you stacking things on top of an already full life, never savoring the moments you have? If so, step back and see what’s really important and prioritize the things that mean the most.

Living and loving your “new” old life may be the awakening and change you need.

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These are charities that I believe are making a difference in our world. I welcome you to check them out and please donate if one speaks to you.

World Central KitchenWorld Central KitchenI believe that food, shelter and water are basic rights for every human on this planet. Jose’ Andres’ and his WCK group step in to provide beautiful, nutritious food during disasters, the pandemic, and any other opportunity where people need to be fed.Learn More Foothills Humane SocietyFoothills Humane SocietyThis is my local shelter, in Columbus, NC, doing a wonderful job at remaining as close to 100% no kill as possible. Animals make us more human and I believe in adopting not shopping for pets, saving a life with a new beginning.Learn More Trees, Water & People Trees, Water & People Caring for Mother Earth by planting trees, helping people live sustainably and decreasing our carbon footprint are things that I see as very important for the next seven generations.Learn More Lakota Law ProjectLakota Law ProjectI have a strong kinship to Native people and this group works to change many of the injustices done to the first people that still go on today, such as the right to vote.Learn More

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