Zen Chick

Zen Chick

Slow down. Simplify. Love your life.

"There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. "

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My happiness lesson and how it changed my thinking.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Mar 19 0

Happiness is not some “thing” to be pursued, it is a way of being born from appreciating – Rasheed Ogunlaru

At the beginning of 2023, I decided that instead of resolutions or goals, I would embrace two mantras, “Be Happy” and “My life is mine to create.” These two things seemed to be easy reminders to follow or so I thought.

Easing into the 3rd month of this year, I feel I have had several lessons appear about the happiness thing that I want to share with all of you.

First, have you ever noticed that when you make a proclamation like my mantras, everywhere you turn, someone is writing about that exact thing and the stories are popping up like rabbits? It’s like someone is stealing my thoughts or listening to my every word (oh wait, that’s our phones, LOL!)

Anyway, I did read some interesting stuff and what I learned is while I’m working on being happy, bad things are still happening around me that make me feel sad, mad, and lots of other feelings that are anything but happy.

What I learned from my reading is the minute you try to push all of those other feelings away, and work at getting back to “happy” the harder those feelings push back. The solution to this is to let those feelings happen, giving them the time and space that is needed before working your way back to being happy.

This is where I think “being happy” gets a bad rap because if you are happy you should not have time to give space to bad feelings. (Let me add here that negative feelings are not bad, they are part of the human experience, so let’s not discount them.)

If you went around all of the time, with rainbows shooting out of your head, how in the world could you ever feel compassion or empathy?

This leads me back to being happy, it’s not something you get from slapping a smile on your face when you feel like shit, or like the quote above says, it’s not a “thing”, it’s an appreciation and it happens in little moments, snippets of your daily life that makes your heart sing.

Life will crowd in, and bad things will happen to the people you love and care about, but in a small moment, the sunrise is so stunning that it makes you smile and you send a prayer to that person in need. You hold a door open for someone else, share a smile, or listen to the person speaking to you without interruption and their gratitude fills your heart.

That is my lesson about happiness and I’m working on being more aware of each of those happy moments as they come into my life, appreciating them more and more, filling my second mantra, “my life is mine to create” with them.

I hope your “happy” is a sunrise or sunset away, time with a friend or family, or just having that moment of peace all to yourself.

Happy for me is also having you, my tribe, right here in this little corner of the internet. Thank you for your support and love!  Drop one of your happy moments in the comments below, I would love to share in your joy.

 

 

 

Kick Off 2019 By Giving Us The Real You!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 1

“Be yourself–not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” –Henry David Thoreau

The start of a new year means a “do over” for most of us, a fresh start, kick the old year out of our lives and welcome the new one with open arms. Yay, you made it!

Now comes the question, “resolutions, goals, intentions, or what?” Let me answer this one for you, how about showing up every day as the REAL you? The true one, the authentic person that I want to see. That the world needs right now.

A little scary, yep.

Easy?

Hell no, it’s a journey that requires you to step up, step away, run away, worry, fear, judge yourself, judge others, exhaust yourself and then surrender.

But you surrender to who you really are and how that makes you feel.

Ask yourself these two questions when you feel yourself running for the safety of agreement with someone or something;

“Is this how I really want to present myself to the world?”

“Does my soul feel happy with this choice?”

That’s how you start showing up as the real you by looking at your choices, your answers and how you judge someone or something and deciding if it rings true to YOUR values and beliefs.

So start this year by standing in your truth and make your beautiful mark on the world. I’m standing right beside you holding your hand and encouraging you onward. And I promise, your year will be better for it!

Peace and Love,

Zen Chick

 

How Will You Shape Your 2018?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Dec 25

“You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself and talk about yourself and your work in a real way.”
― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

I don’t know about all of you but 2018 can’t get here fast enough! 2017 has been an emotional roller coaster with the political front, the news front, personal front and everything in between. Whew!

I want to open your mind to a different way of shaping your life as you move into 2018. Astrologically speaking, according to Jennifer Racioppi, this year will be about moving in the direction of your soul as Saturn animates your life lessons. Sounds a little deep but now is the time that the world needs the real you to step forward.

For me, this brings up a lot of questions about choices versus obligations and living more authentically as my true self.

Let me clarify about choices versus obligations, from my last post about my adult kids, where they made a conscious choice to take an emotional timeout for the holidays, obligation did not come into play which was a wonderful thing. They changed what would be an obligation to a choice.

Now before you start ticking off your “obligations,” and yes we all have some that we have to do, ask yourself could some of them change into “choices?” For 2018, ask yourself first, “Could this obligation be a choice instead?” and if the answer is yes, then you get to decide whether it will fit into your new life.

Now, let’s look at living and showing up as authentically as you possibly can in 2018. We all wear “masks” in our lives, the faces we show certain people or use in specific situations. What if we slowly started revealing our true selves in all situations, basing our “choices” on what our authentic selves would want to do instead of how it would fit the “mask.”

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”-Maya Angelou

When you start to live authentically, you will feel that you belong no place which can be very lonely at first. Then slowly and trust me this is a s-l-o-w process which may not even be completed in quite a few years, you will realize that yes the price is high, people won’t like the new you but in the end the reward is great! Living a truly authentic life, freeing the chains that may have bound you could not be a better way to start 2018.

To start this journey, ask yourself, what roadblocks stand in my way for me to make more choices instead of obligations and for me to live my life as authentically as possible? Write them down and be as honest as you can.

Then with the arrival of the Full Moon on January 1st, 2018, it is the perfect time to let go (burn or tear up your list) of what is standing in your way, what you don’t need in your life anymore and what your true intentions are for this beautiful New Year.

I wish you the best for 2018 and together we will slay some demons and create a space for all of us to live our lives authentically. Please share with someone in your life that needs to reshape their 2018.

Peace and love

The Holidays-What Does An Emotional Time Out Look Like?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 19

The holidays usually invoke these emotions, dread, joy or both. You dread the family member you have to spend time with and joy comes from spending time together. It’s an oxymoron, right?

Not really when we think about all of the other emotions that get stirred up during this time of year. We may love the decorating, baking and all of the fun stuff but dread those people that we may only see once or twice a year that we have nothing in common with, or have an issue with, or in my case, the kids that have declared an “emotional time out.”

For me, at first when dealing with the declaration of an “emotional time out”, there’s disappointment, anger, and a little guilt but after I stepped back and viewed the situation with a clearer perspective what I came away with is relief! That may sound horrible to some but why put yourself through a situation that is filled with tension, hostility, and people that don’t want to be in your company?

Is that really what the holidays are all about or what society has made us believe we “should” do?

I’m not trying to be a “Debbie Downer” but let’s look at this a little deeper, who really says that you can’t take an emotional time out during the holidays? Where is there a law written that says, the cousin, sister-in-law or kid you have an issue with has to come to your house? Or you have to go there? Or in my case that I have to spend time with kids that have issues with me?

Yes, I know there are repercussions from other members of your family but what is your sanity worth? A lot I hope! And who has to live with your decisions but you in the end and you may walk away with a greater sense of self-esteem and boundaries.

So back to my personal situation, which did spark this post, for one of my kids, it has lead us to an amazing dialogue about how we got to this point and my other kid, well I’m still waiting but that’s okay, I would rather take this emotional break than to look back on these holidays as the holidays from hell. That may not work for you but peace and good vibes are very important to me right now.

Does all of this make me a little sad? It did in the beginning and it may for you too if you decide to take that time out but what may be gained is hidden treasures of awakening, boundaries and possibly an amazing dialogue.

Now I would love to hear from you dear readers, would an emotional time out be something you would be willing to risk? If not, why?

Sharing is caring, so share with someone in your tribe that might need to hear this too.

Peace, love and happy amazing holidays!

Why I Gave Up Goals for 2017.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 8

“Make an empty space in any corner of your mind, and creativity will instantly fill it.”

~Dee Hock

It all started around the end of October 2016 when I hit the wall. My mind and my body finally said “ENOUGH” and I was forced to listen. I was done, fried, nothing was fun and everything I did was like walking through mud, slow, slogging and never getting anywhere.

I had decisions to make, was I going to stop forward progress on a dream that I had been working on or leave this dream alone and give myself the space I needed? Or was I going to push on the way I had been going?

After much back in forth in my brain and a long talk with my hubby (who already knew the answer I needed), I stepped away not promising to come back to my dream but knowing that both of us (me and my dream) needed space.

One thing that I had to do was make a promise to myself that I would not give in to any new projects because I knew what was ahead…..my brain gets “twitchy”, as I call it, always looking for something to latch onto, to work on, to feel productive.

But not this time because I felt that I needed freedom from everything, time to have open white space in my life.

I would be lying if I didn’t say the first few weeks were very hard. I would see something in my inbox, on the internet or listen to one of my clients talk about a new project they were doing and my brain would look like Jack Russell Terrier jumping up and down, saying “Let’s go, let’s go, we can dooooo this….!”

I managed to get past this (thankfully-whew!) and what happened next was surprising, my creativity reappeared, I could write again, things flowed easier and I could BREATHE! I was reconnecting with friends, making time for all of the things I had put on hold.

So as the New Year approached, I had to once again do some soul searching. I have always set goals/resolutions for each New Year, it’s what motivates me and keeps me focused.

Coming off of what I had been through though I knew how easily I could fall back into some of the same bad patterns and truthfully I was enjoying this open space I had created.

And once again words of wisdom from my sweet husband when I asked his opinion on the subject of ditching goals, “I think it would be good for you to do it.” Wow, even he had noticed the difference in me.

So this year, 2017, I’m “goal-less”, letting lots of white space surround me, continuing my promise of no new projects and allowing the rhythm of my life to carry me along.

And my dream has found me again, showing me a different direction, no pressure just gentle pushes to move me along. Lots of open space!

Who Am I?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 14

(Spoiler alert-yes this is about the election but not who won or didn’t, so please read on)

Like a lot of you, I watched part of the elections returns, sitting in awe as I listened to the calls of what state went to whom. My state (NC) very much a battleground state was too close to call as were many and what kept catching my attention was not the closeness of the poll numbers but the segregation of the votes themselves.

As I listened to the African American vote, the Latino vote, the White educated male, the White educated female then I heard the White uneducated male and female. WHAT? And then they started breaking down the rural, urban and city vote. Okay I can understand that one but the education one really pissed me off.

We live in a country right now that is trying to heal its wounds, work on the division that has been long standing and shore up for what is to come. Why do we need to add more divisions in our thinking?

So who am I? 

I fit the “white, uneducated (without a college degree) rural female” category so does that mean I’m less informed, unable to understand all I need to know about selecting our next President? Or does that make my vote less worthy?

I have my own business (24 years and counting), have worked in upper management in corporate America, was a teen Mom, was a single Mom raising my two girls, live on a farm now (22 years and counting) and love this country I live in.

Why do I need to be one more group to be divided and counted?

I long to hear the pollsters say, “The majority of the vote was made by Americans.”  It has such a resounding ring to it, all inclusive and to the point. Maybe after such a disappointing run for those pollsters, they might consider doing just that. (not likely but it sounds good.)

So please, I beg of all of you for the sake of coming together, for the sake of building an America we all want (even if we are uncomfortable in our new direction) let’s stop breaking down our demographics, look at your neighbor and know that your common thread is that you are both Americans.

Please share this post with anyone in your corner of America that needs to be reminded, we are all the same….. Americans!

Peace and Love to you all. 

There Is Always LOVE!

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 21

“Love casts out fear” ~ Dorothy Day

There is so much going on in our world right now, turn on the TV, internet or just turn on your phone and you are hit with a firestorm of negativity fueled by hate, dislike or unhappiness.

Where’s the LOVE?

It’s right here where it has always been, hidden behind walls, doors and hearts until it is asked to come out in public when something horrific happens. Then it is shared across all media like it’s a new bright and shiny thing we have yet to see.

REALLY?

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing people coming together when things turn ugly, showing their love for whatever the reason or cause. I want to see more positive things on the news, social media and on my phone rather than all of the other negative stuff.

But what I don’t love is having to wait for a tragedy to happen to see all of those things in bright lights. Why can’t we see more of the love and less of the hate and fear?

Because love doesn’t sell in the media world, it doesn’t draw you into a vortex of tragedy. It doesn’t “play well” with politics or war or most news stories.

But we all need more of it, more compassion, more positive words. And it all starts with us, you and me.

We can feed the hate and negativity through our words and actions or we can send out LOVE with our words, energy and actions.

LOVE is always here, waiting, hoping for a chance to grow stronger, move mountains and change our lives and the world into a place where love lives full time. 

So send out some love right now to someone (that you might not even know) that is hurting. Give a hug to a friend or stranger that might need the support. Change your language to include more positive uplifting statements or declarations so that energy goes out in a good way.

Turn off the news, social media and your phone if you find yourself with your shoulders tight and your jaw clenched. Turn off the hate and fear.

Be brave, breathe deep and send out more LOVE.

P.S. And I LOVE all of you for spending your time here on Zen Chick!

Finding My Way Back To Meditation

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment May 30

“The thing about meditation is you become more and more you.”

~ David Lynch

For those of you that have been in this community awhile I have talked about my failed attempts at meditation and how my true form of it was on my tractor mowing my pastures. All of that changed this past month when I attended a meditation retreat and truly learned what I had been missing.

First you have to know that the big “lure” of this retreat was, (a) to get away with a good friend and have some girl time and (b) to get my continuing education credits for my licensure as a massage therapist. The rest was going to be some much needed R&R.

But what I received from the retreat far exceeded my expectations and allowed me to move into a deeper level of understanding of myself and my life.

A little backstory first; coming into this retreat I had just lost my Mom after 6 months in hospice care, spending my weekends with her so as I like to say I was still trying to “find my footing” again. My life up to this point had been my work and my Mom with everything else taking a backseat. That time was precious to me and I was blessed to have it right up to the time of her passing on from this world.

Coming from all of that I was going into this retreat still exhausted both mentally and physically which proved to be the best thing I could have done. All of my defenses were down so I was able to be open and ready for anything.

Arriving at the retreat center was an experience unto itself, the place was nestled in my mountains, the beautiful Blue Ridge with a breathtaking view every morning from the window of our room. And it was so quiet, the absence of  “city noises” along with the sounds of nature immediately brought you into a more peaceful space.

Walking everywhere, eating only vegetarian food, smiles and true southern hospitality put both of us into another world.

Then there were our amazing teachers, Sharon and Tracey, who quickly dispelled my thoughts of meditating one way….sitting cross legged, breathing deeply and emptying your mind. Don’t get me wrong we did a lot of just that but it was intermixed with movement meditation, walking meditation, coloring mandalas, drumming and chanting meditation that sent you on a magic journey and learning the art of deep listening.

What started to happen to me was an amazing transformation of seeing what was really important in my life, what needed to be given up and truly appreciating the gift my Mom had given me which was a new found freedom, the freedom to regain a different balance in my life.

That gift of freedom meant letting go of so much control which had been heightened in those 6 months with my Mom which I fought all weekend. The fear of just being instead of controlling was scary and intriguing at the same time.

Two things happened that changed it all for me, a mantra that came up while I was walking the labyrinth (“All is not lost”) and on a separate walking meditation feeling the presence of someone walking so close behind me I could hear footsteps crunching the gravel.

Letting go and dropping the control thing for me translated into a feeling of not being supported since I always needed to be “in charge.” The mantra and the presence during my walking meditation (which I know was my Mom) showed me was that I would have so much more support if I just showed up, trusted and let go.

 Now here I sit, 6 weeks out from the retreat, doing my 5 or 10 minutes of meditation every morning and working very hard at dropping all control.

What have I learned? That meditating just 5 minutes every day does make a wonderful difference in how I start my day and when I feel stressed the “control issue” comes flying back full force. And when it does I breathe deeply, forgive myself and move forward, knowing that once I recognize the triggers I will be able to let go even more.

And that is a very good feeling!

   

Keeping A Sacred Space

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 24

“Sacred space” is another way of saying “with intention.”
― S. Kelley Harrell

As I write this post there is snow on the ground, a full moon overhead and a hush in the air around my farm. The silence of snow is something I consider very sacred. Life has to slow down and all of nature respects the sacredness of the moment.

Moving that feeling of sacred into your everyday life keeps that feeling alive and keeps your soul grounded. The best way for me to do that is to have a space in my home for a personal altar. I also keep sacred objects in my car along with objects in my massage room where I work. This keeps the sacred everywhere in my day to day life.

Now before you get turned off because you are thinking this is woo-woo or too religious, stop right there! Hear me out before you completely close down this idea.

What and where you set up a sacred space is up to you, it can be on your desk at home or work, a small table in your home, the corner area of a room, a special area of your car, any place that can hold some items that are sacred to you.

If your sacred space is used for meditation then you may have a statue, candles, crystals, prayer beads and whatever else speaks to you when you meditate. If your space is smaller, like a corner of your desk, then it might be a special stone, feathers, or sacred beads. You chose what connects to your soul and helps keep you grounded.

In my car I always have small wind chimes and a tiny medicine pouch which are things that bring me a sense of protection and sacredness. On my desk sits a native pottery vase with different feathers that have come to me at different times in my life, a stone from a friend’s trip to her home town in the North and a #Truthbomb card, Medicine card or Sacred Path card that carries a lesson for my week. My massage room holds so many tiny sacred objects from different places and people there are too many to name.

The objects that reside on your altar can and will change from time to time so don’t think that once you place an object there it will always be there. Just as you grow and change on your journey so too will the objects that you connect with on that sacred soul level. Be open to any and all things.

Set your intentions, listen to your soul and create a sacred space just for you. Feeding your soul is as important for the nourishment of your health and well being as feeding your body.

Look around and find those items that speak to your soul, carve out an altar space in your home, office or car and embrace the connection of the sacred to your soul.

Your soul will thank you.

Sometimes You Need To Take A “Time Out”

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 8

Time out. We think of it as a punishment for bad behavior in kids. Or as a break from the day to day grind.

But what if we used it in our lives as a way to step away from one aspect of our lives that may be creating a great deal of stress? That gives time out a whole different meaning.

You push, pull and bang your head against the wall over this one area of your life and it appears to get you nowhere. So you try a different approach, using head busting logic to will it to change. No luck there either.

“So now what?” you may ask. The answer, take a time out. (or a sabbatical, if that sounds better to your ears).

Whatever you call it, it should clue your mind into the notion of being put on notice…“We (you and your mind) are no longer thinking or acting on this one aspect of our life right now!”

There doesn’t that feel better all ready? Your shoulders drop down to a normal level, your jaw unclenches and your breathe begins to deepen.

This is where I am right now as I write this post, I have put one aspect of my life on notice and refuse to deal with it until I’m  good and ready.

Does that mean I’m in denial?

No, not at all. What it means is I’m tired of going over the same old stuff in my head and getting nowhere, so I’m taking a time out, a step back, a beautiful sabbatical from that aspect of my life.

I haven’t set a time limit because I trust that I will know when the time is right to come back, to gently step back into the edges of this aspect of my life with a new awareness.

And if I decide not to allow this back in my life then at least I stepped away long enough to make a good decision instead of one made in haste or anger.

I know I made this sound a little too easy and it’s not, it requires some patience (with yourself) and a willingness to let go of drama, expectations and lots of head chatter. And your time out may only require an afternoon, a day, a week or it might be like mine, a little longer.

Stop beating yourself up, instead step up and allow yourself the freedom to step away. You might be surprised at the changes you make when you are ready to step back in.

Share this post with a friend who may also need to take a “time out” in their lives. 

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These are charities that I believe are making a difference in our world. I welcome you to check them out and please donate if one speaks to you.

World Central KitchenWorld Central KitchenI believe that food, shelter and water are basic rights for every human on this planet. Jose’ Andres’ and his WCK group step in to provide beautiful, nutritious food during disasters, the pandemic, and any other opportunity where people need to be fed.Learn More Foothills Humane SocietyFoothills Humane SocietyThis is my local shelter, in Columbus, NC, doing a wonderful job at remaining as close to 100% no kill as possible. Animals make us more human and I believe in adopting not shopping for pets, saving a life with a new beginning.Learn More Trees, Water & People Trees, Water & People Caring for Mother Earth by planting trees, helping people live sustainably and decreasing our carbon footprint are things that I see as very important for the next seven generations.Learn More Lakota Law ProjectLakota Law ProjectI have a strong kinship to Native people and this group works to change many of the injustices done to the first people that still go on today, such as the right to vote.Learn More

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