Zen Chick

Zen Chick

Slow down. Simplify. Love your life.

“There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. “

I Love You Because….

By Leave a Comment 2

Chyanne and David

“Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

~ Sam Keen

This is Chyanne and David. They are the perfect example of the simplicity of love. Chyanne who is David’s grandaughter gave the perfect answer to his “I love you”, her response, “I know you do because you bring me surprises and shrimp!” 

David’s takeaway from Chyanne’s response was this, “In all of my 50 some years, I finally know what love really is.”

 Could love be any more simple?

We all want to be loved and we long to know why we are loved but sometimes the simplicity of that love is what means the most. Whether it’s the love of a child, a parent, a partner, a friend or whoever you love in your life, we want it to be simple and to the point. But most of all we want to know why we are loved.

My friend Lisa gave me the most wonderful gift for Christmas, a beautifully framed print with the words “I love you because…..” in raised lettering on the print itself. Using the attached marker, you list your reasons of why you love someone on the glass, erasing and changing your reasons as often as you wish. Since that picture has been in our bedroom, my husband and I have taken our turns writing our reasons and I’m amazed at what will touch you the most. It’s not the profound and lengthy pledges of love but the simple and most heartfelt.

On Valentine’s Day it read,” You share my insanity for Tarheel basketball and just because.”  Simple, powerful and the best gift ever!

 Do you make it a habit to share those simple sentiments with the people you love?

Love is one of those emotions that can have so much baggage attached that you can quickly lose the reasons of why you love someone.  There can also be conditions such as, “I will love you if or I will love you when” and this dilutes the simplicity of that love. We humans are very complicated beings and if something is not complex then we have trouble deeming it worthy of our attention. We crave those really complicated and profound declaration of love (or we think we do) and if we can’t give them in return then we don’t feel we measure up.

Who wants to follow the infamous “You complete me” line with a “I love you just because?” Someone who speaks from the simplicity of their heart and soul. Words are just words without feeling and trust me you can feel the difference.

So what holds you back from making simple declarations of love? Or just making sure that the people around you know how you feel?

Break down those barriers and useless reasons and……

Write a note and tell someone how much they mean to you. Keep it simple and give true heartfelt reasons.

Make sure you say, “I love you” often and to all of the people in your life.

If you have trouble saying what you feel, use action instead. Flowers, a lunch or coffee date, a hug or kiss, an afternoon spent together, a movie, etc. 

Remember small things mean just as much as loud pronouncements.

I hope you find a way to make sure everyone in your life knows they are loved by you! Start by sharing the love of this post with someone in your life.

I love all of you, my wonderful community, for just being you and would love to hear your comments on love.

 

 

Is Your Soul Alive?

By Leave a Comment 0

“If a blade of grass springing up in the fields has the power to move you…

rejoice, for your soul is alive.” ~Eleonora Duse, Actress

This quote is the wallpaper on my computer, I see it every day several times a day. It reminds me to look for the things that really matter and to take the time to truly enjoy them. I smile each time I read it because I know that the simple act of acknowledging the beauty of a blade of grass, the cardinal outside my window, my horses playing in the pasture or my chickens running in the yard are what feed my soul.

Do you feed your soul every day?

What do I mean by feeding your soul? The things that nourish you down deep, that quench your thirst for fulfillment and ground you to the earth. We do a good job of making sure we feed our physical bodies properly but we forget that we need to nourish our souls every day too.

When your soul is undernourished it will begin to speak up, whispering the details of its needs; “Sit, be still, listen, pray, meditate, enjoy nature’s beauty.” Days that you feel fatigued, moody, out of sorts and yes even angry, your soul is trying to let you know what it is lacking. Your soul’s conversation will be very unique to you so listen closely and be aware of all the clues.

Why do we ignore our soul’s call for attention?

Because it requires all of our attention, it asks that we give into the need 100%, slowing down our lives and putting all of our focus on this one thing. It means sometimes getting into the “deep stuff” that we don’t like to deal with but in doing so we get closer to our soul’s desires and needs.

Caroline Myss has a wonderful example in her book “Energy Anatomy” where she talks about the results of ignoring your soul/spirit’s need for attention (I believe your soul and spirit are the same). “Calling upon your soul for help when something major happens in your life, like a life threatening illness, after ignoring its needs is like never training for a marathon but asking your body to run in that marathon anyway.” Your soul says, “Who me? Are you talking to me? Where were you when I was talking to you?”

Where do you go from here?

Start listening to that inner voice, that tugging of the heart and give into its desires. Ramp up your spiritual practice, spend time in nature, journal your thoughts or sit quietly and listen. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s a daily practice and incorporate it into your routine. Slowly over time you will find your own “unique conversation” with your soul, learning what it needs to be more alive and well nourished.

The more you nourish your soul the more ALIVE you will feel! And isn’t that what we all want?

Your soul has been waiting patiently, it’s time for you to answer that quiet whisper and open yourself up to a new calm in your daily life. Make a promise to include this important ritual into your daily routine and see your mood shift and your attitude change. For your soul’s sake.

Let me hear your thoughts on how you feed your soul in the comments below and feel free to “share the love“ by forwarding this post to a friend.

   

photo credit: A Guy Taking Pictures via photopin cc

Where Are You Going In 2013?

By Leave a Comment 2

Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect. -Alan Cohen

One year ago today I wrote my first blog post which launched the Zen Chick website. For me it was a huge beginning, venturing into  completely uncharted territory and one year later I’m so glad I did. It has had its ups and downs but one of the best parts is YOU my wonderful community. So a big hug and thank you for joining me on this journey!

I can’t say this enough and you may get tired of me saying it but 2013 is going to be the type of year that will move all of us into different places in our lives. Good places and yes there will be struggles but those struggles will help move you in the direction you want to go.

If you have read our latest Sunday Chat, I hope you are moving toward your dreams, the life you love and choosing to let go of the things and people in your life that don’t serve your purpose. Small steps get you just as far sometimes as large ones so start small but please do START!

To help you along your journey, I’m launching my workshop, “The Art of Defining Your Boundaries ~ A Journey of Self Reflection” at the end of this month. I want to help you define your boundaries, get rid of the obstacles that stand between you and your dream life and help you move into a life you want, not the one you settle for.

This workshop will be taught “live” at my office in Spartanburg, SC and for those of you that can’t make it to Spartanburg but want to participate in the live event can host a workshop. When you host a workshop you receive the workshop free of charge. Look for dates and all of the details on this website soon.

I hope that all of you spend a little time on yourself, plotting your course for 2013, journaling your thoughts and dreams, and using your energy to move you toward your goals. Remember, small steps will move you to bigger and better things.

Leave a comment and let me know where you want your life to go in 2013 or one or two things you would really like to change to move you toward the life you love! I love hearing from all of you.

“For the love of life, let go of the idea that there’s not enough time. You are the source of time in your life.“~Danielle LaPorte

Follow my blog with Bloglovin
photo credit: Swami Stream via photopin cc

Let’s Chat

By Leave a Comment 7

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

All of my friends know that I love my coffee and a good conversation always goes better with a cup of that wonderful aromatic brew.

This is your invitation to pull up a chair with your favorite brew and join me for a series of Sunday Chats. (hat tip to Chris Brogan for letting me run with his idea.) We will be chatting about breaking through some barriers, simplifying your life and moving toward the life you love for 2013. This is going to be a very positive year and I want all of you to get the best out of it.

I hope you will join me on Sundays, spending a few minutes reading, reflecting and commenting on how you want your life to move forward or how you may be stuck and need help getting out of your rut.

If you are already one of my fantastic members in the Zen Chick Community then you will receive the Sunday Chat series by email. If you are new to the community join us by subscribing in the subscription box above this post.

You can add your voice to the chat by replying to any email and letting me know what subject you would like to delve into that will help you move forward in your life. For a more open discussion you can comment here on this post or on our Zen Chick Facebook page and interact with other members.

Last but not least the series will run every other Sunday which will give you time to digest the information and apply it to your life. Cluttering your inbox is not the purpose of this series so if  you find that the timing or content is not right for you, feel free to opt out.

I hope all of you find value in this series and I’m looking forward to connecting on a more personal level. So grab your cup of coffee, slow down and spend a few minutes on yourself and the life you want.

 *The series will begin on Sunday December 16th. 

 

 

photo credit: Belopa via photopin cc

The Perfect Gift ~ Time

By Leave a Comment 4

 “Time the most precious gift one can give. Each moment is unique because it will never happen again…the gift of your time spent with others is the ultimate display of unconditional love.”~Robert W. Merriweathe

Last Christmas I introduced the ultimate “Christmas bomb“, a Christmas without presents. At first it was greeted with frowns of disapproval and perplexed looks. Once I stated the facts, “None of us really need anything and we always have trouble figuring out what to give each other”, the looks then became more relaxed and smiles started to appear.

The decision was made, no presents and we were going to enjoy having more time together without the stress of shopping. It went off with only one little hitch, my oldest daughter who loves giving gifts did sneak in tiny presents. She was forgiven. We ate, talked more and really enjoyed the company of each other in a much more relaxed environment.

This year as the subject came around to the “giving of gifts”, I got to stand back and watch a robust shout of “no presents again this year!” The smiles and total agreement of how much more delightful the holiday season was without the stress of shopping made the decision a simple one. We then started planning our time together, from a possible carriage ride to a brunch gathering and a very competitive game of Scrabble, all involving the beauty of time well spent together.

How about you? Are you looking for that perfect gift to give your family and friends?

I truly suggest giving them the best part of YOU, your time. It really is the gift that will keep on giving, long after the Christmas decorations are packed away for another year.

Even if you have “little ones” on your Christmas list, the gift of time could be a year long gift. A Saturday morning ritual of a breakfast out, a movie once a month, reading a big book one chapter at a time and just being present with that child is so much more meaningful than the latest video game or a Furby.

The common denominator is TIME and it is a currency of great value.

I hope you will enjoy this holiday season with all of the gusto it deserves and I hope you enjoy your TIME spent with friends and family.

I would love to hear your comments on how you enjoy spending your time during the holidays. And while we are talking about time, let me say how much I appreciate the TIME you take to read and comment on each of my posts. I value each and every one of you, so thank you!

 

 

photo credit: Shereen M via photopin cc

 

Okay So You Are “Mad as Hell,” Now What?

By Leave a Comment 0

No, this is not about the election results, this is about YOUR life! 

We have all been there, “Mad as hell and we are not going to take it anymore!”

Frustrated, confused and feeling like you are stuck at the end of a very dead end road. Whether it’s your job, a relationship, a financial situation or your life, when you get to that boiling point is when you can make some of your biggest changes.

Negativity can lead to a positive outcome if you use it to move you forward.

Like a hamster on a wheel it takes a while to get to the “mad as hell” point. You have been pushed, pulled or held at emotional gun point to get here and once here you don’t want to lose that momentum. This is the fire that burns in your belly and moves you out of what’s comfortable to something new and truly wonderful.

How did you get to this point? 

The job, relationship, financial situation or stagnant phase of your life that has created the “mad as hell” reaction comes from you losing or blurring the lines of your boundaries.

And what are your “boundaries?”

Your boundaries are your sacred personal space, the line you draw in the sand, the thing that you refuse to compromise on and  your self respect. Boundaries are not about being rude, victimized or aloof. When I’m talking about boundaries issues I’m talking about things that you do to compromise yourself, your self respect and your overall well being.

When you repeatedly step over that boundary line then the “mad as hell” fight begins. 

So how do you change this?

First overcome your fear that accompanies any kind of change. Decide how you want to change the situation and where your “boundary weakness” is within that situation.

Change could be as simple as saying No more often. Saying No can be difficult at first but what you will gain is more respect from others than saying yes all the time. This turns the word “No” into a positive thing.

We all like being in our comfort zone even when it becomes uncomfortable. This is especially true with relationships, whether intimate, friendship or business. Who wants to leave that warm and fuzzy comfort zone even if our boundaries look like they went through a paper shredder?

Knowing when to walk away from a relationship that has run its course just strengthens your boundaries and moves you to the next level. 

Jobs, finances and stagnant phases of your life can all be interconnected when you are not living your dream and respecting your boundaries. Maybe it’s not your job you hate but the disrespect or feeling under appreciated you dislike. Again it comes back to boundaries, allowing someone to take advantage of you or like the saying goes,”You teach people how to treat you.” Standing up for yourself is not a selfish thing, it allows you to live your life fully.

Looking at your life through this boundary lens may be a whole different approach for you but I promise if you try it you will definitely see changes within yourself and others around you.

Start small looking through your boundary lens and when you feel ready then tackle the “mad as hell” situation in your life.

Small can be something as simple as how you spend your time every day. Is social media, email or text messages robbing you of precious minutes? Stand your ground and reclaim that time for you!

I hope seeing your life through the boundary lens will open up a different view for you and allow you to change some things that need to be addressed. As a very wise person told me recently; “Not everyone deserves a front row seat in your life” and this can be true for everything not just people.

I would love to hear your comments or even questions about your boundary issues.

* If boundary issues are a problem for you or you would like some creative ways to deal with some of these things, look for my upcoming workshop, “The Art of Defining Your Boundaries~A Journey of Self Reflection.” Launch date January/February 2013*

 

photo credit: joshjanssen via photopin cc

Lessons from 30 days of Facebook-less

By Leave a Comment 1

“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst”~William Penn

The challenge was offered by Joshua of The Minimalists, “What are you willing to give up for 30 days?” 

I had been toying with the idea of 30 days of no personal Facebook time but his challenge gave me the fuel I needed. The one exception to this rule was only updating my blog and business pages once every few days. To make this challenge even more interesting I added giving up the morning news.

I never considered myself a Facebook addict, I did what I considered the “norm” checking in 3 or 4 times a day. What started happening during these daily visits though is more and more of my precious time was getting sucked into the Facebook vortex.

Then it became a habit, something I did every day whether I was updating my pages or not and I knew it had to stop!

So the challenge began and little did I realize what an incredible effect this 30 days would have by teaching me the value of my time and my life.

The first few days were a little tedious mainly because when the home page comes up you want to scroll down and see what is happening with all of your friends. I didn’t and once I moved past those first few days my momentum kept growing. I started noticing that I felt lighter and my mind was moving into a more creative mode.

In the absence of the morning news, my husband and I were eating our breakfast together at the table and talking. Yes, talking and enjoying the start of our day.

When you totally devoid yourself of all current events you will always have someone to keep you updated. My clients and friends would do just that, tell me about all of the happenings of the world with details and drama included.

Here’s the first amazing thing I noticed: By being Facebook-less and without the news my emotional response to any news I heard was diminished greatly. I didn’t have it thrown in my face over and over on Facebook or repeated on the morning and evening news. I could hear it from a third party, talk about and move on instead of being absorbed in the situation.

Day 9 produced the next amazing observation: There was space in my mind for other things to filter in and  the creative ideas poured in like pouring water into a bowl. The writing and creating started happening so fast that I had trouble getting all of these ideas down on paper.

This really started me wondering about what happens to all of our creativity when we fill up space in our minds with mindless things, like Facebook and other social media, too much news, reality TV and so on. What would this world be like if all of that collective creativity was released instead of suppressed?

Personally I think it would be awesome!

After day 9 each day became easier and easier. I lost that feeling of missing out on what was happening in the world and with my friends. I allowed my new found space in my mind to be taken up with things of my own choosing and have found that even now after my 30 days are up I’m more guarded about how I spend my time. Yes I can still fall into the Facebook trap or get back into watching the news so there is no perfect solution but there is CHOICE and I have chosen to spend my time on the things that I think are more important in my life, one of which is my writing.

What about you? Is there something in your life that you have been wanting to give up and needed that little push to do it? It doesn’t have to be something big, more to the point sometimes it can be something small that can have the biggest impact. You won’t know until you try.

To “pay it forward” I would like to offer up the same challenge to you, my wonderful readers. What are you willing to give up for 30 days? 

Love to hear your comments on what you would like to give up and report back after 30 days to hear how you did. Remember we are all here to help each other and what you learn along your journey may help someone else. I hope my journey helped you!

 

 

photo credit: Fiduz via photopin cc

The Book Giveaway

By Leave a Comment 7

“A year from now you will wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb

To help you start I want to give you a chance to win this great book, “The $100 Startup” by Chris Guillebeau, and because I truly believe that everyone has the ability to be a “micro-entrepreneur” I have decided to giveaway two books instead of just one.

All you need to do is add a comment saying “Count me in.” Also in your comment I would love to hear what future post or helpful ebook you would like to see me write to help you live the life you love! Comments will be numbered in order, for example, if you comment first then your number is 1. The winner will be picked using random.org. Deadline is Sunday October 14th at midnight.

Take that idea off the shelf, dust it off  and together let’s find a way to move it into a micro-business. Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

(If you are a member of the Zen Chick Community and receive this by email, click on the Zen Chick name to deliver your comment. Thanks for being a part of our community and your thoughts are greatly appreciated.)

** Congratulations to Brenda, Melody and Marcelle! They were the winners of the book giveaway and I’m so glad to see them making the first step toward “living the life they love.” **

The Art of “Not” Mothering

By Leave a Comment 4

“A mother’s love liberates”.~ Maya Angelou

I have 2 grown daughters, 39 and 34, who are beautiful adults and whom I love dearly. The other day I realized that although my daughters will always be my “kids” I could actually stop mothering them.

Okay this is where I lose those of you who still have small children under your roof. Might I suggest that you stick around to hear all of this because one day you too will want to stop mothering.

Here’s what I mean by my not mothering idea; you spend all of your child’s growing up years pumping all of your wisdom and worldliness into their wonderful little brains. You teach them everything you know and what you don’t know you send them to school to learn. Then they leave your house full of all that awesome knowledge that they can access at any given moment.

You reiterate all of your wisdom and knowledge again for the next few years as your adult children make their way into the world. Then all of a sudden you can’t stop doing it, every time you talk to them you are giving them the same advice repeatedly.

Ask yourself right now how often when you talk to your own mother does she tell you what to do and how to achieve it regardless of how old you are?

For me it became very clear that the greatest gift I could give my girls was the gift of shutting up and only handing out advice and opinions when they asked for them.

How does this improve your relationship with your adult child?

It will transform the child/parent relationship into an adult/adult relationship which is what we as parents work so hard to achieve. Then by turning off the “words of the wise” recording you launch into every time you have a conversation with them, you allow them to ask for your wisdom and knowledge. This gives them the ability to truly listen and appreciate the value of your words instead of hearing “Blah, Blah, Blah.”

Is this an easy transition? No, it’s not but here are a few steps to help you along the way.

    • Tell your adult children what you are trying to do for them: Reassure them that you are not disinterested in their lives or have stopped caring just that you think they are smart, wonderful adults who have all of  your wisdom instilled in them.
    • Let them know that you will still share your wisdom and opinions: Only when asked and that you always enjoy sharing.
    • Reassure them that you will always be there if needed: You are still their mother and will always be there to nurture and listen.

The art of “not” mothering has allowed me to enjoy the freedom of listening to my children without interjecting my wisdom or opinions. I have also freed up my life to move in a direction that resonates more for me!

What about you? I would love to hear your comments and wisdom on this “not” mothering suggestion. Also if you decide to try this in your life I would love to hear the positive things that happen with you and your adult children.

 

photo credit: Robert Whitehead via photo pin cc

Zen Tractor

By Leave a Comment 3

“Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak”.
― Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati,

I have always had a problem with sitting long enough to clear my mind and meditate.  Actually I should say my monkey mind has a problem sitting still for very long, always jumping from thought to thought and chattering incessantly.

Over the years I have tried to sit and let my thoughts ebb and flow like a river, which they do for about 30 seconds and then the monkey mind begins. So I gave up, threw in my meditation cushion and called it quits!

Then I learned to drive the tractor and a whole different world opened up for me.

A world where doing this one task allows me to open my mind and let my thoughts move along with the rhythm of the tractor tires. Mowing the pastures while being surrounded by nature allows my mind to find the freedom it needs from the constant multi-tasking patterns. I am able to look at things from a more Zen perspective and let my thoughts just flow.

Walking is another way to allow my thoughts to expand. Each morning as I walk the dog my mind is observing nature and taking in the beauty of the moment. I can choose to just let my thoughts flow or allow my mind to go through its own agenda, finding the peace I’m seeking or the solution to a problem.

We all have that one thing in our daily lives that allow our minds to be present and focused. Tasks as simple as washing dishes, folding clothes, walking the dog or mowing a pasture can stop the monkey mind from its continuous chattering and usher in a sense of calm.

Meditation can be defined differently from person to person but for me it’s being in a state of mind where I can either close out the world and be with my tractor and nature or open my mind to work with a problem or dilemma that requires my focus.

What about you? Can you find that one thing that allows you to open your mind and just be?

Pay attention during your daily routine to what brings you the most calm and allows you to be present. Enjoy the beauty of what that one task or simple thing in your routine does for your mind. Then begin to find more things that do the same. Look at your daily life differently knowing that each thing you do can bring your mind into focus and will allow the monkey to sit in calm repose.

I would love to hear your comments on what you have found in your daily life that allows your mind to be at peace.

For me, I’m off to mow more pastures.

photo credit: Old Shoe Woman via photo pin cc