Popular Archives - Zen Chick

Life Lessons From A Little Donkey Name Willow

“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude,

then animals are better off than a lot of humans“~ James Herriot

The trailer pulled out to the barn and the precious cargo was unloaded, a 7 month old donkey that I had named Willow. When I had put the word out to my friend Jane that I wanted a donkey, it became her mission to make it happen. I’m also lucky enough have another friend, Lois, who has the ability to make horses appear on my farm like magic 🙂

Willow is the first donkey I have ever owned so I set out to read everything I could to make sure that she and I started out on the right foot/hoof. Little did I know that Willow would soon become the teacher and I the student as she settled in on our farm.

Willow’s first introduction was to Henry, our dog, to make sure she understood that he was a part of our family. One of the reasons of owning a donkey is to keep away coyotes so donkeys dislike dogs that are not part of their family. Little did I know that this first encounter would begin Henry’s love affair with Willow.

I had no idea that Henry would display such love and affection to Willow by licking her on the nose and laying on his back in front of her to show his submissiveness. Then it was play time, Henry started running around Willow and she joined in the play chase. Every day since their first meeting, Henry goes out into the pasture to greet Willow and have playtime with his new friend.

Life Lesson #1: You never know who could end up being an important person in your life so keep an open mind.

When you are adding a new member to any herd/pack/flock, there are always lots of adjustments until everyone decides who fits where and who will teach the newcomer the rules. My two horses, Gabby and Joleen, would become Willow’s new herd mates so the introductions started slowly, first over the fence so everyone could touch noses and smell each other. After a day of that it was time to put the “herd” together and this is when Willow really became the teacher, reminding me of some very important things that are easily overlooked in our lives.

Gabby, the leader of the group was the hardest nut to crack but Joleen’s mothering instincts had kicked in so she was much more receptive and tolerant of Willow. Willow knew that time was on her side where Gabby was concerned so she was never pushy and gave Gabby his space.

Life Lesson #2: Patience really is a virtue.

Every time Gabby would pin his ears and try to keep Willow away from food or water, Willow would wait and slowly move in as Gabby was leaving or sneak around to the other side.

Life Lesson #3: Sometimes you have to find other ways to get to your goal so don’t give up.
Click to Tweet!

Despite the ups and downs of settling in, Willow is always happy to see me at the gate, wants to be close to me and the other horses (and of course Henry), runs, plays and doesn’t worry about laying down around Gabby and Joleen. She takes everything in stride.

Life Lesson #4: Sometimes you just have to trust that everything is going to be okay.
Click to Tweet!

Donkeys have a reputation of being stubborn and sometimes they really do earn it. But most of the time when they appear to be unwilling to do something they are simply analyzing the situation deciding if it is in their best interest.

Life Lesson #5: When you feel passionate about something in your life dig in your heels and stay strong.
Click to Tweet!

Willow in her short time with us on Big Sky Farm has been an inspiration and wise teacher at her young age. Her patience and go with the flow attitude helps me remember what is truly important in my day to day life.

We all need that little reminder to awaken the inner wisdom we all possess and we never know who will spark that awakening. For me, Willow has been my spark and I know that she will continue to remind me of the important lessons in my life.

Look around you and see who may be teaching you some life lessons today. I would love to hear about any animal teachers in your life and what you have learned from them. Share your stories in the comment section below.

Share the love of this post with someone in your life who might need their inner wisdom awakened and let a little donkey name Willow ignite that spark for them.

Be a Rule Breaker and See This Year Differently.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jan 11

“Following all the rules leaves a completed checklist.

Following your heart achieves a completed you.”
~ Ray Davis

Ready to change the way you think and live? Ready to trust your heart, soul and intuition to lead you on your journey this year?

Then let’s break some rules that have been holding you back and stifling your desire. ~nothing illegal, I promise 🙂

Ask anyone that knows me, I’m the person that will research a new project or idea until the cows come home. After a full year (2013) of doing that I realized the other day that I was really sick of listening to one more person telling me how to do “things right.”

Now I’m not saying that any of the advice was wrong, it wasn’t, in fact it was very helpful. Teachers and mentors can help you bring your own hidden wisdom to the surface and point it in the right direction. What was really wrong was the fact that I was caught in a vicious loop of never ending information. Knowing that helped me realize that I had to break out and break some rules.

“Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones. We have to break the rules. And we have to discover the sensuality of fear. We need to face it, challenge it, dance with it.” ~Kyra Davis

I had tamped down my ability to see my own way and to trust my gut. Knowing that I had created things before and I had the capability to do it again, it was time to take the road less traveled and define my own path.

Let me stop here and acknowledge all of my teachers and mentors (deep bow, hands to heart) who still give me insight and wisdom. No I won’t kick them to the curb, I just add my own intuition to all of their insights.

One of the things I learned this past year, that I will use as a mantra for this year is “Start before you are ready.” This is the perfect rule breaking mantra because it allows you the ability of not waiting until everything is perfect, the planets and stars are in alignment and Mercury is NOT in retrograde.

Taking what you have learned, what you know and adding your own twist so that the final product, the journey or whatever you are working on is true for you.

We all have a personal spin that is put on everything we do, whether it’s how you dress, talk, write, paint, teach or whatever and even though you may be doing the same thing everyone else is doing, your personality shines through and makes it uniquely you.

Which gets us back to rule breaking, trusting that you know what is best for you and your journey. Taking in all of the wisdom and information you need to make good decisions for yourself but in the end moving to the beat of your own unique drum.

In all of our hearts and souls, we are rebels on some level and trusting that rebel side will allow it to come out and help you make those bold decisions. But what if it takes you down a wrong path?

Even if you end up on a dead end street of bad ideas, you will still learn something worth the journey. The next time you will know what not to do and how you need to change things.

Isn’t that what a life well lived is all about?

I hope you will join me in making your 2014 the year of breaking rules and breaking out of your norm! I would love to hear your comments on what rules you plan on breaking this year.

Share the love of this post with a friend who also needs to break some rules in their life and together you can support each other on an incredible journey.

photo credit: sgrace via photopin cc

Stop Running Toward Your Life and Start Living It.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 23

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”
~ Walt Whitman

“What day is it?”

“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

Can you say today is your favorite day too?

The simple wisdom of Pooh, always showing us the way to appreciate our lives in the moment regardless of our circumstances. So why do we spend so much of our time running toward the life we want to live instead of living the life we have right now?

To help you decode the mystery, let’s start with a fill in the blank.

I will start living my life once I have or once I complete___________.

The answer is the reason you are putting off your life, your dream or even your happiness. You chase that answer relentlessly hoping that once you catch it you will start living your life or the life you think you want to live. But what if you discovered that all of that running and pursuing only gave you what you already had?

Now fill in this blank, I want to be ______________ in my life. (thanks Danielle LaPorte)

The second answer deals more with how do you want to feel in your life. (happy, loved, content, peaceful, grounded, free, confident,etc.)

Both of these answers are completely different because the first one is a physical thing, like quitting a dead end job, finishing a course that leads to a better life, having more time, a better job, a business, more money, etc. The second one is the feeling that you hope to create from the first answer.

What if you already have the second answer (the feeling) in your life right now without pursuing the first answer (the dream, goal, job, etc.)?

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you should stop shooting for the stars, going for your dreams or quitting that life sucking job. No what I’m saying is savor that feeling that you want in your life and keep savoring it WHILE you are moving toward your greatness.

Truly appreciating your life for what it is……LIFE. There is no perfection in any of our lives, just day to day living with all of it’s ups, downs and warts. (okay not warts but you get the picture)

Instead of running toward your life, stop right now and savor the feelings you want in your life.

Shifting your thinking from “what you need next in your life” to “how do you want to feel in your life” moves you more into the present moment of living your life instead of chasing it. Focusing on how you want to feel on a soul level can change what you are running toward so that you start enjoying the journey instead of the destination.

I shared this shift in thinking with my Mastermind group at our monthly meeting (these girls are my greatest guinea pigs and cheerleaders…thanks girls!) writing down 3 feelings that we want more of in our lives for 2014. Each of us are moving toward a dream or goal in our lives but when we shifted our thoughts to the 3 feelings it added a wonderful dimension to each of our journeys.

What about you, ready to start feeling the way you want to feel in your life without the marathon to get there? Ready to uncover the feelings that speak to your soul so you can start living them every day? I would love for you to share in the comment section the 3 feelings you want in YOUR life and to help get you started here are mine:

Free, Soulful, Peace

* If you would like to dive deeper into finding how to map out your core desire feelings, check out The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.

photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin

Emotions. Don’t Judge, Just Flow.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 28

“Let your feelings flow freely, accept each one of them, know that they are your feelings and no one is to blame for them. Live from your essence and watch your feelings flow; only when you accept them can you understand the story of your life.”~ Patricia Selbert, The House of Six Doors.

Don’t you just love those Emoticons? You can put smiley faces all over emails, text messages and your Facebook updates. Even when you are not feeling so “smiley” you can hide behind those cute little faces.

Every day we are faced with a whirlwind of emotions; anger, joy, fear, love, jealousy and the list goes on. Some of these emotions we acknowledge and some we try desperately to push away.

Why do we want to push some away?

For various reasons, the biggest one is out of shame for having an emotion that we feel is inappropriate at the time.

Imagine this, your best friend calls and tells you about a super exciting thing that just happened to her or him. You of course are excited too but lurking in the background is a little jealousy or even envy.

Now you feel terrible because “shame” has walked into the picture and the conversation in your head sounds like this: “How dare you feel that way when your friend has such good news. Don’t you know you are not supposed to?”

This type of conversation now begins the patrol of the “emotion police.”

The emotion police get their rules from lots of different places; what society dictated as acceptable, what your parents told you growing up, other authority figures in your past or even a close friend. Their job is to make you think that having some “unsavory” (their word not mine) emotional reaction will doom you to the far corners of shame and remorse hell, leaving you feeling terrible and overanalyzing the whole emotional thing way too much.

Let’s look at how to change this pattern and decide that this game with the emotion police has got to stop!

First remember that we are all human beings, who make mistakes and have emotions that sometimes feel out of our control. The thing we can control is the ability to recognize our emotions and call them by their names.

When you try to run away from envy or jealousy or anger, that emotion only becomes bigger and harder to deal with. Once you call anger, anger instead of being a little upset, you are no longer fighting that emotion. Instead of rationalizing or beating yourself up, sit with it and watch it flow by.

Saying hello to that unwanted emotion just means that you know it is present but you are choosing not to dance with it. It takes two to tango and without a dance partner the unwanted emotion will move along.

On the flip side, there will be times when that emotion needs you to take its hand and move around the dance floor, knowing that you are leading the dance and can quit whenever YOU feel ready.

You are always the lead dance partner in the emotional tango and you can watch from the sidelines or take a spin around the dance floor. The emotion police can no longer break into YOUR dance because you are calling the shots.

The more you practice, the better dance partner you will become and when those unwanted emotions come charging at you, you will be able to watch the show acknowledging each emotion by name and letting them slip out the door.

I would love to hear your comments below on how you handle letting emotions flow in your life. (you may have some juicy tips to share and we would love to hear them!) And as always share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need a little help getting rid of the “emotion police.”

photo credit: el_finco via photopin cc

“Don’t Fence Me In” – The Truth Of Why You NEED Boundaries In Your Life

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Aug 3

“No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Anne Lamott

BOUNDARIES.

This can be a dirty word to some and a confusing word to most. Boundaries are associated with the victim, as in “I’m a victim and you can’t talk about this or that” or just being rude, as in “this is my line in the sand and you better not cross it.”

Neither of those two scenarios are the truth about the boundaries I want to share with you today.

These boundaries are all about adding more “Zen” in your life, creating space for the things that are important and “weeding out” the things that are less of a priority. Looking at what you really want to do with your life instead of standing on the sidelines wishing you had more time to do it.

Sound interesting? Then let’s look a little closer at what’s involved in changing some things in your life by adding boundaries.

First let me say that I have discussed boundaries before in a previous post but some of this is worth repeating. We all know to change anything in your life you need to hear it several times to make it stick.

Truth #1: The word “No” is truly a complete sentence just like the quote says and using it allows you to free up time and space in your own life. This revelation came to me when I turned 40 and I quickly discovered that using the word “No” really did get easier to say when you used it more often. Was there guilt involved the first few times of using it? Sure but after that came a sense of empowerment that I was staking a claim for me and what I really wanted to do in my life. The wisdom in this truth is, “When your cup is full it is much easier to give to others in your life.”

Truth #2: Schedule your “free time” and use it wisely. You can check on all of your social hangouts and your email but do it in short time bursts. Save the big chunks of time for yourself to read, exercise, write or whatever makes your soul sing. Even if it’s taking time to sit in your backyard, you are replenishing energy that you need to fill your cup! (try this truth for just 24 hours and I promise you will feel different)

Truth#3: “What you let into your life will define you.” Everyday we are bombarded by the latest this and that so ask yourself before you buy, “will it change my life for the better?” What I mean is this, will it give you what you truly want and need or is it just filling a void? Don’t define your life with stuff and wasted time, define it with what’s important to you. (side note: I have nothing against new stuff and if a new iPhone, iPad or Tablet makes your life easier then buy it. The truth here is that too much stuff can take up and waste your precious time.)

Truth #4: Age changes everything, older and wiser is very true so adjust your boundaries accordingly. For me the beginning of decades do amazing things and at 50 my boundaries really shifted. What was important before really started taking a back seat to a new set of priorities in my life. Make sure that you re-evaluate your life and boundaries on a regular basis.

Truth #5: (one of the biggest) Once we gain our life experience wisdom call upon it to deal with all of the relationships in your life. Decide who needs to stay in your inner circle and who needs to be on the fringes of your life. Who is sucking up your time and energy and who is easy to be with. Moving people in and out of your life does not make you a bad person it makes you a smart one. And this will make everyone wonder how you live your life so well and want to learn your secrets. (and share those secrets with them)

Add these truths, minus the guilt and worry, slowly and deliberately to your everyday life. Boundaries are NOT about “fencing you in” they are about reclaiming parts of your life just for you!

I would love to hear your comments on how boundaries have helped you reclaim parts of your life and the differences they have made. As always please share this post with someone who needs to learn the truth about boundaries too.

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar via photopin cc

The Invisible Force That Can Stop You From Getting What You Want.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 29

“Resistance will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stickup man. Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned. If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.”

“To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be.”~ Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

I just finished reading “The War of Art” (for the second time) and Steven Pressfield has Resistance pegged at every wicked twist and turn.

I was truly amazed at the ability of this “invisible force” to stop all of us in our tracks, to damage, delay and truly derail us in the pursuit of our dreams or even to improve our lives.

Even though Pressfield’s book was written about the pursuit of writing (mostly) and working through creative blocks, it truly applies to any aspect of our lives that we would like to improve. From simplifying your home, losing weight, breaking bad habits, or making that leap of faith to follow your dreams.

What does Resistance look like? Pressfield gives some great examples:

FEAR
self-sabotage
sabotage by others (usually those closest to you)
procrastination (this is the most common one)
self-dramazation
addiction (drugs, alcohol, internet, gambling, etc.)
trouble and cruelty to others
victimhood
criticism of others who are beating resistance

You are starting to get the picture of Resistance, right?

Resistance is the invisible force that can (not will) keep us miserable and searching for what we know in our heart and soul that we need to be doing. To beat it you must stay on your game at all times and be vigilant in your task. Pressfield calls this,” turning pro.“

Pressfield also refers to “calling on your muse” for help also. Your muse is your allies, angels, genius or whatever you may call the unseen helpers in your life.

Turning pro means that you are willing to do the work, nose to the grindstone and embracing every aspect of the work. You are not waiting for success to find you, you are making it happen!

When you make up your mind to view yourself as pro the will to do the work follows.This is true whether you are following your dreams or wanting to lose 20 pounds.

To Resistance it doesn’t matter which dream or goal you choose, the minute you stop doing what you know you need to do then Resistance dances across the goal line and scores.

Doing the work is not easy and with Resistance nipping at your heels it will be tedious but you owe it to yourself and the rest of the world the effort it will take. Once you do turn pro then your work will take on a different feel and the things that were a big deal no longer appear that way.

Let’s look at the qualities of turning pro: (see if you like these better)

Patience, the pro is willing to wait for gratification instead of jumping in head first with a level of intensity that cannot be maintained.
Eliminates chaos and demands order in his/her life.
Acts in the face of fear instead of trying to overcome it.
Accepts no excuses for not doing the work every day, regardless of what Resistance has conjured up.
Is prepared each day to confront his own self-sabotage.
Dedicates him or herself to mastering the technique and learning as much as he/she can.
DOES NOT HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP (do I need to say this one again)
Distance him/herself from failure or success, in other words, doesn’t take either one personally.
Self-validates
Knows his/her limitations and hires other professionals if needed.

Resistance is something that will always haunt your pursuits, how you handle it is up to you. I hope you choose to kick its ass by approaching everything you pursue by turning pro. Regardless of how small you think the job is do it like your life depends on it.

Now I would love to hear your comments about how you have beaten Resistance by turning pro or how Resistance is really kicking you right now and how you plan on turning pro to beat it.

Thanks for reading and please share the love of this post with someone in your life who might need help battling Resistance. We are all here to help each other!

photo credit: SurFeRGiRL30 via photopin cc

Simple Isn’t Always Easy

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Jun 15

“The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.”
~ Steve Maraboli

We all wish we had an “Easy” button to push when we want to make changes in our lives, press the button and change happens magically.

When I finished writing the “5 Steps To Put More “Zen” Into Your Life” for the Zen Chick community members (not a member yet? Sign up and receive it for free) it all sounded so easy. But I knew regardless of how simple it all sounded it would take real work to make it happen.

Once we commit to the task of change and the work it involves, we are then faced with our nemesis, resistance.

Resistance steps in, and reminds us that we can’t change and why would we want to. Things are good just the way they are and haven’t we heard this same old tired pitch before. It didn’t work for us then so why should it now.

And the big one…….it’s just too simple to really work.

Now simple has become very hard to do.

The minute you hear the battle cry of resistance, which is “I have heard this all before“ this is your turning point. This is where you need to tune in instead of tuning out because there is some new bit of information in this simple change that will help you along your path. Once you tune in, resistance will weaken and you have the choice to move forward.

Or go back to the “same ole same ole” and wonder why your life still sucks.

Everything that is worth anything will require some work especially if it’s moving you toward your dream, your passion or even the thing that makes you dance in your living room with sheer joy.

Simple changes can provide the biggest rewards in your life if you start slowly, one baby step at a time, not expecting an overnight miracle. (or that instant gratification thing)

For example, let’s say one of the changes you want to make is organizing and uncluttering your life starting with your house. You can look at the big picture, the whole house and it’s just too overwhelming. So you start with one drawer, one closet or one counter surface and you move slowly one step at a time.

Every day you make progress, step by step, slow and steady. Then when you have completed let’s say one room, you have freed up more time and space in your life and your house for what you really want to do.

Was it work? Yes.

Was the change concept simple? Yes.

Was the payoff (more time for you) worth the effort? YES!

You deserve to live a life you truly love filled with time for the things that truly mean something to you. So take that simple first step, welcome change into your life and do the work it takes. And kick resistance out the door! You will be so glad you did.

I would love to hear your comments on some of the simple changes you have made in your life and your method for making a smooth transition.

Share the love of this article on your FB page, Twitter or email it to a friend!

photo credit: spackletoe via photopin cc

The Art of “Not” Mothering

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Aug 19

“A mother’s love liberates”.~ Maya Angelou

I have 2 grown daughters, 39 and 34, who are beautiful adults and whom I love dearly. The other day I realized that although my daughters will always be my “kids” I could actually stop mothering them.

Okay this is where I lose those of you who still have small children under your roof. Might I suggest that you stick around to hear all of this because one day you too will want to stop mothering.

Here’s what I mean by my not mothering idea; you spend all of your child’s growing up years pumping all of your wisdom and worldliness into their wonderful little brains. You teach them everything you know and what you don’t know you send them to school to learn. Then they leave your house full of all that awesome knowledge that they can access at any given moment.

You reiterate all of your wisdom and knowledge again for the next few years as your adult children make their way into the world. Then all of a sudden you can’t stop doing it, every time you talk to them you are giving them the same advice repeatedly.

Ask yourself right now how often when you talk to your own mother does she tell you what to do and how to achieve it regardless of how old you are?

For me it became very clear that the greatest gift I could give my girls was the gift of shutting up and only handing out advice and opinions when they asked for them.

How does this improve your relationship with your adult child?

It will transform the child/parent relationship into an adult/adult relationship which is what we as parents work so hard to achieve. Then by turning off the “words of the wise” recording you launch into every time you have a conversation with them, you allow them to ask for your wisdom and knowledge. This gives them the ability to truly listen and appreciate the value of your words instead of hearing “Blah, Blah, Blah.”

Is this an easy transition? No, it’s not but here are a few steps to help you along the way.

Tell your adult children what you are trying to do for them: Reassure them that you are not disinterested in their lives or have stopped caring just that you think they are smart, wonderful adults who have all of your wisdom instilled in them.
Let them know that you will still share your wisdom and opinions: Only when asked and that you always enjoy sharing.
Reassure them that you will always be there if needed: You are still their mother and will always be there to nurture and listen.

The art of “not” mothering has allowed me to enjoy the freedom of listening to my children without interjecting my wisdom or opinions. I have also freed up my life to move in a direction that resonates more for me!

What about you? I would love to hear your comments and wisdom on this “not” mothering suggestion. Also if you decide to try this in your life I would love to hear the positive things that happen with you and your adult children.

photo credit: Robert Whitehead via photo pin cc