Zen Chick

Zen Chick

Slow down. Simplify. Love your life.

“There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. “

What’s Your Hurry?

By Leave a Comment 0

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.”~ Peg Bracken

Do you feel it?

There is a steady hum of energy as the anticipation of the holidays moves into high gear. As that energy current moves along we can get caught up in the wave, swept away helplessly in the frenzy and frustration. The pulse and hum of that energy sounds like a drum beat drumming out, bu bu…buy, buy, buy more as the flashing Christmas lights blind you causing you to wander aimlessly in and out of stores. You become disoriented, confused and oh so burned out……

But wait does it have to be this way?

Only if you really want it to be. 

The holidays can come in with a wave of frenzied energy bringing with it all of the stress, financial burden and family issues. And yes you can get caught up in it but let me repeat, “only if you want it to be that way.”  You have a choice!

Last year I wrote a post  about our family’s newest tradition of no presents and that tradition lives on this year too. What we have found in the 3 years of honoring this tradition is a very relaxed holiday season and happier wallets. We have more time to spend together, time to talk and catch up, enjoy great food and not feel rushed or stressed. We have even made our Christmas menu simplier and gave the feast award to Thanksgiving where it belongs.

It’s easy to fall into the hype and stress because the pressure is all around you…but for what? Will you really be happier spending more money, more time and more of your precious energy doing what everyone else is doing? Or would you like to break out of that “pack mentality” and start your own tradition?

Doing something different during the holidays doesn’t have to be as radical as what my family does but there are other ways to dial it down a notch and keep your stress level on an even keel.

Here’s how:

  • Buying gift cards for everyone on your Christmas list. Easy peasy shopping for you and they get the gift they “really” wanted.
  • Dial down that big ole Christmas feast to a few items, have it catered, or turn it into a big ole potluck.
  • Set dollar limits on gifts or stick to the one gift only rule. That way no one feels like they have to top someone else’s gift.
  • Donations to each person’s favorite charity that is on your list makes a great gift for that person and to the charity you are helping. It’s a win-win for everyone!
  • Only decorate what YOU feel like doing. No one will mind if you don’t win the neighborhood holiday theme prize this year for the best yard decorations, it’s all about what you have the time and energy to put into it. If you want to win that prize then go for it!
  • Pack up the family and give them a Christmas to remember, a vacation. What better way to create less stress then to leave it all behind.
  • Host a drop in event for Christmas Day. Everyone can come and go as they like, less stress, less cooking and no one feels like they have to be on a schedule.

These are just a few suggestions for making your holidays a little more simple, a little more relaxing and a lot more enjoyable. Holidays don’t have to be a marathon event unless you want them to be so kick back, put your feet up and have your favorite beverage. It really is that easy.

I would love to hear your thoughts (down in the comments) on how you make your holidays less stressful. Let’s all work hard at NOT working hard during the holidays and enjoying the time and love with friends and family.

Share the love of this post with someone you may know that needs to have a little less stress in their lives for Christmas.

photo credit: tommarsh via photopin cc

Stop Running Toward Your Life and Start Living It.

By Leave a Comment 0

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”
~ Walt Whitman

“What day is it?”

“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

Can you say today is your favorite day too?

The simple wisdom of Pooh, always showing us the way to appreciate our lives in the moment regardless of our circumstances. So why do we spend so much of our time running toward the life we want to live instead of living the life we have right now?

To help you decode the mystery, let’s start with a fill in the blank.

I will start living my life once I have or once I complete___________.

The answer is the reason you are putting off your life, your dream or even your happiness. You chase that answer relentlessly hoping that once you catch it you will start living your life or the life you think you want to live. But what if you discovered that all of that running and pursuing only gave you what you already had?

Now fill in this blank, I want to be ______________ in my life. (thanks Danielle LaPorte)

The second answer deals more with how do you want to feel in your life. (happy, loved, content, peaceful, grounded, free, confident,etc.)

Both of these answers are completely different because the first one is a physical thing, like quitting a dead end job, finishing a course that leads to a better life, having more time, a better job, a business, more money, etc. The second one is the feeling that you hope to create from the first answer.

What if you already have the second answer (the feeling) in your life right now without pursuing the first answer (the dream, goal, job, etc.)?

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you should stop shooting for the stars, going for your dreams or quitting that life sucking job. No what I’m saying is savor that feeling that you want in your life and keep savoring it WHILE you are moving toward your greatness.

Truly appreciating your life for what it is……LIFE. There is no perfection in any of our lives, just day to day living with all of it’s ups, downs and warts. (okay not warts but you get the picture)

Instead of running toward your life, stop right now and savor the feelings you want in your life.  

Shifting your thinking from “what you need next in your life” to “how do you want to feel in your life” moves you more into the present moment of living your life instead of chasing it. Focusing on how you want to feel on a soul level can change what you are running toward so that you start enjoying the journey instead of the destination.

I shared this shift in thinking with my Mastermind group at our monthly meeting (these girls are my greatest guinea pigs and cheerleaders…thanks girls!) writing down 3 feelings that we want more of in our lives for 2014. Each of us are moving toward a dream or goal in our lives but when we shifted our thoughts to the 3 feelings it added a wonderful dimension to each of our journeys.

What about you, ready to start feeling the way you want to feel in your life without the marathon to get there? Ready to uncover the feelings that speak to your soul so you can start living them every day? I would love for you to share in the comment section the 3 feelings you want in YOUR life and to help get you started here are mine:

Free, Soulful, Peace

* If you would like to dive deeper into finding how to map out your core desire feelings, check out The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. 

 

photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin

 

Emotions. Don’t Judge, Just Flow.

By Leave a Comment 0

“Let your feelings flow freely, accept each one of them, know that they are your feelings and no one is to blame for them. Live from your essence and watch your feelings flow; only when you accept them can you understand the story of your life.”~ Patricia Selbert, The House of Six Doors.

Don’t you just love those Emoticons? You can put smiley faces all over emails, text messages and your Facebook updates. Even when you are not feeling so “smiley” you can hide behind those cute little faces.

Every day we are faced with a whirlwind of emotions; anger, joy, fear, love, jealousy and the list goes on. Some of these emotions we acknowledge and some we try desperately to push away.

Why do we want to push some away? 

For various reasons, the biggest one is out of shame for having an emotion that we feel is inappropriate at the time.

Imagine this, your best friend calls and tells you about a super exciting thing that just happened to her or him. You of course are excited too but lurking in the background is a little jealousy or even envy.

Now you feel terrible because “shame” has walked into the picture and the conversation in your head sounds like this: “How dare you feel that way when your friend has such good news. Don’t you know you are not supposed to?”

This type of conversation now begins the patrol of the “emotion police.”

The emotion police get their rules from lots of different places; what society dictated as acceptable, what your parents told you growing up, other authority figures in your past or even a close friend. Their job is to make you think that having some “unsavory” (their word not mine) emotional reaction will doom you to the far corners of shame and remorse hell, leaving you feeling terrible and overanalyzing the whole emotional thing way too much.

Let’s look at how to change this pattern and decide that this game with the emotion police has got to stop!

First remember that we are all human beings, who make mistakes and have emotions that sometimes feel out of our control. The thing we can control is the ability to recognize our emotions and call them by their names.

When you try to run away from envy or jealousy or anger, that emotion only becomes bigger and harder to deal with. Once you call anger, anger instead of being a little upset, you are no longer fighting that emotion. Instead of rationalizing or beating yourself up, sit with it and watch it flow by.

Saying hello to that unwanted emotion just means that you know it is present but you are choosing not to dance with it. It takes two to tango and without a dance partner the unwanted emotion will move along.

On the flip side, there will be times when that emotion needs you to take its hand and move around the dance floor, knowing that you are leading the dance and can quit whenever YOU feel ready.

You are always the lead dance partner in the emotional tango and you can watch from the sidelines or take a spin around the dance floor. The emotion police can no longer break into YOUR dance because you are calling the shots.

The more you practice, the better dance partner you will become and when those unwanted emotions come charging at you, you will be able to watch the show acknowledging each emotion by name and letting them slip out the door.

I would love to hear your comments below on how you handle letting emotions flow in your life. (you may have some juicy tips to share and we would love to hear them!) And as always share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need a little help getting rid of the “emotion police.”

 

photo credit: el_finco via photopin cc

“Don’t Fence Me In” – The Truth Of Why You NEED Boundaries In Your Life

By Leave a Comment 0

“No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Anne Lamott

BOUNDARIES.

This can be a dirty word to some and a confusing word to most. Boundaries are associated with the victim, as in “I’m a victim and you can’t talk about this or that” or just being rude, as in “this is my line in the sand and you better not cross it.”

Neither of those two scenarios are the truth about the boundaries I want to share with you today.

These boundaries are all about adding more “Zen” in your life, creating space for the things that are important and “weeding out” the things that are less of a priority. Looking at what you really want to do with your life instead of standing on the sidelines wishing you had more time to do it.

Sound interesting? Then let’s look a little closer at what’s involved in changing some things in your life by adding boundaries.

First let me say that I have discussed boundaries before in a previous post but some of this is worth repeating. We all know to change anything in your life you need to hear it several times to make it stick.

  • Truth #1: The word “No” is truly a complete sentence just like the quote says and using it allows you to free up time and space in your own life. This revelation came to me when I turned 40 and I quickly discovered that using the word “No” really did get easier to say when you used it more often. Was there guilt involved the first few times of using it? Sure but after that came a sense of empowerment that I was staking a claim for me and what I really wanted to do in my life. The wisdom in this truth is, “When your cup is full it is much easier to give to others in your life.” 
  • Truth #2: Schedule your “free time” and use it wisely. You can check on all of your social hangouts and your email but do it in short time bursts. Save the big chunks of time for yourself to read, exercise, write or whatever makes your soul sing. Even if it’s taking time to sit in your backyard, you are replenishing energy that you need to fill your cup! (try this truth for just 24 hours and I promise you will feel different)
  •  Truth#3: “What you let into your life will define you.” Everyday we are bombarded by the latest this and that so ask yourself before you buy, “will it change my life for the better?” What I mean is this, will it give you what you truly want and need or is it just filling a void? Don’t define your life with stuff and wasted time, define it with what’s important to you. (side note: I have nothing against new stuff and if a new iPhone, iPad or Tablet makes your life easier then buy it. The truth here is that too much stuff can take up and waste your precious time.)
  • Truth #4: Age changes everything, older and wiser is very true so adjust your boundaries accordingly. For me the beginning of decades do amazing things and at 50 my boundaries really shifted. What was important before really started taking a back seat to a new set of priorities in my life. Make sure that you re-evaluate your life and boundaries on a regular basis.
  • Truth #5: (one of the biggest) Once we gain our life experience wisdom call upon it to deal with all of the relationships in your life. Decide who needs to stay in your inner circle and who needs to be on the fringes of your life. Who is sucking up your time and energy and who is easy to be with. Moving people in and out of your life does not make you a bad person it makes you a smart one. And this will make everyone wonder how you live your life so well and want to learn your secrets. (and share those secrets with them)

Add these truths, minus the guilt and worry, slowly and deliberately to your everyday life. Boundaries are NOT about “fencing you in” they are about reclaiming parts of your life just for you!

I would love to hear your comments on how boundaries have helped you reclaim parts of your life and the differences they have made. As always please share this post with someone who needs to learn the truth about boundaries too.

 

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar via photopin cc

You Owe The World Your Gifts, Don’t Shortchange Us!

By Leave a Comment 0

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”~Henry Van Dyke

Why you may ask? Or you may think, “I don’t have anything worth sharing or anything that anyone would be interested in.”

Oh but you are so wrong!

We look at all the other people around us and think they are more talented, smarter, or have it all together. They have a right to share their talents with the world because their work/gifts are so needed and they can really make a difference.

It’s so easy to get caught up in this thinking, to diminish our talents, our gifts because they don’t measure up to what someone else can do. But that thinking has to stop right now!

You never know what an impact you can make on someone’s life with your written word, a song, a drawing, a listening ear or a hand to hold. We often think that our gifts have to be tangible things but sometimes the greatest gift is the gift of just being present when someone needs you.

In Native American culture, there isn’t a word translation for artist because they believe that everyone in the tribe has a talent, a gift that they are revered for within the tribe. That talent or gift is neither looked upon as lesser or greater, they are all seen as equal. If one person is a great warrior and another is a good listener, they are revered the same because their talents/gifts are what makes the tribe a cohesive community.

Aren’t we all looking to live in a community that is filled with people who give their talents and gifts openly? 

So how do you find your talents/gifts if they are not obvious to you? How do you find the truth to your hidden talents/gifts?

Your secret weapon for uncovering the truth…….your friends.

Your really close friends will surprise you with their insights. They already know your talents/gifts and will quickly point them out to you. Once you uncover the truth, use it! Don’t shrink back into hiding, don’t shy away from compliments. Be proud of what you have to offer us and quit making excuses.

And please don’t wait for someone else to “do it better.” Your gifts/talents are unique to you and no one can do it the way you do so quit fooling yourself.

Ready to change the world? Give us your best stuff and the world will be a much better place to live.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what gifts you have to offer the world! Be brave and share with all of us. Also I would love for you to share the love of this post with someone who you feel has some “untapped” gifts/talents to share.

Plant your flag proudly and fly it freely. The world needs you!

 

photo credit: Joffley via photopin cc

I Love You Because….

By Leave a Comment 2

Chyanne and David

“Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

~ Sam Keen

This is Chyanne and David. They are the perfect example of the simplicity of love. Chyanne who is David’s grandaughter gave the perfect answer to his “I love you”, her response, “I know you do because you bring me surprises and shrimp!” 

David’s takeaway from Chyanne’s response was this, “In all of my 50 some years, I finally know what love really is.”

 Could love be any more simple?

We all want to be loved and we long to know why we are loved but sometimes the simplicity of that love is what means the most. Whether it’s the love of a child, a parent, a partner, a friend or whoever you love in your life, we want it to be simple and to the point. But most of all we want to know why we are loved.

My friend Lisa gave me the most wonderful gift for Christmas, a beautifully framed print with the words “I love you because…..” in raised lettering on the print itself. Using the attached marker, you list your reasons of why you love someone on the glass, erasing and changing your reasons as often as you wish. Since that picture has been in our bedroom, my husband and I have taken our turns writing our reasons and I’m amazed at what will touch you the most. It’s not the profound and lengthy pledges of love but the simple and most heartfelt.

On Valentine’s Day it read,” You share my insanity for Tarheel basketball and just because.”  Simple, powerful and the best gift ever!

 Do you make it a habit to share those simple sentiments with the people you love?

Love is one of those emotions that can have so much baggage attached that you can quickly lose the reasons of why you love someone.  There can also be conditions such as, “I will love you if or I will love you when” and this dilutes the simplicity of that love. We humans are very complicated beings and if something is not complex then we have trouble deeming it worthy of our attention. We crave those really complicated and profound declaration of love (or we think we do) and if we can’t give them in return then we don’t feel we measure up.

Who wants to follow the infamous “You complete me” line with a “I love you just because?” Someone who speaks from the simplicity of their heart and soul. Words are just words without feeling and trust me you can feel the difference.

So what holds you back from making simple declarations of love? Or just making sure that the people around you know how you feel?

Break down those barriers and useless reasons and……

Write a note and tell someone how much they mean to you. Keep it simple and give true heartfelt reasons.

Make sure you say, “I love you” often and to all of the people in your life.

If you have trouble saying what you feel, use action instead. Flowers, a lunch or coffee date, a hug or kiss, an afternoon spent together, a movie, etc. 

Remember small things mean just as much as loud pronouncements.

I hope you find a way to make sure everyone in your life knows they are loved by you! Start by sharing the love of this post with someone in your life.

I love all of you, my wonderful community, for just being you and would love to hear your comments on love.

 

 

Is Your Soul Alive?

By Leave a Comment 0

“If a blade of grass springing up in the fields has the power to move you…

rejoice, for your soul is alive.” ~Eleonora Duse, Actress

This quote is the wallpaper on my computer, I see it every day several times a day. It reminds me to look for the things that really matter and to take the time to truly enjoy them. I smile each time I read it because I know that the simple act of acknowledging the beauty of a blade of grass, the cardinal outside my window, my horses playing in the pasture or my chickens running in the yard are what feed my soul.

Do you feed your soul every day?

What do I mean by feeding your soul? The things that nourish you down deep, that quench your thirst for fulfillment and ground you to the earth. We do a good job of making sure we feed our physical bodies properly but we forget that we need to nourish our souls every day too.

When your soul is undernourished it will begin to speak up, whispering the details of its needs; “Sit, be still, listen, pray, meditate, enjoy nature’s beauty.” Days that you feel fatigued, moody, out of sorts and yes even angry, your soul is trying to let you know what it is lacking. Your soul’s conversation will be very unique to you so listen closely and be aware of all the clues.

Why do we ignore our soul’s call for attention?

Because it requires all of our attention, it asks that we give into the need 100%, slowing down our lives and putting all of our focus on this one thing. It means sometimes getting into the “deep stuff” that we don’t like to deal with but in doing so we get closer to our soul’s desires and needs.

Caroline Myss has a wonderful example in her book “Energy Anatomy” where she talks about the results of ignoring your soul/spirit’s need for attention (I believe your soul and spirit are the same). “Calling upon your soul for help when something major happens in your life, like a life threatening illness, after ignoring its needs is like never training for a marathon but asking your body to run in that marathon anyway.” Your soul says, “Who me? Are you talking to me? Where were you when I was talking to you?”

Where do you go from here?

Start listening to that inner voice, that tugging of the heart and give into its desires. Ramp up your spiritual practice, spend time in nature, journal your thoughts or sit quietly and listen. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s a daily practice and incorporate it into your routine. Slowly over time you will find your own “unique conversation” with your soul, learning what it needs to be more alive and well nourished.

The more you nourish your soul the more ALIVE you will feel! And isn’t that what we all want?

Your soul has been waiting patiently, it’s time for you to answer that quiet whisper and open yourself up to a new calm in your daily life. Make a promise to include this important ritual into your daily routine and see your mood shift and your attitude change. For your soul’s sake.

Let me hear your thoughts on how you feed your soul in the comments below and feel free to “share the love“ by forwarding this post to a friend.

   

photo credit: A Guy Taking Pictures via photopin cc

The Perfect Gift ~ Time

By Leave a Comment 4

 “Time the most precious gift one can give. Each moment is unique because it will never happen again…the gift of your time spent with others is the ultimate display of unconditional love.”~Robert W. Merriweathe

Last Christmas I introduced the ultimate “Christmas bomb“, a Christmas without presents. At first it was greeted with frowns of disapproval and perplexed looks. Once I stated the facts, “None of us really need anything and we always have trouble figuring out what to give each other”, the looks then became more relaxed and smiles started to appear.

The decision was made, no presents and we were going to enjoy having more time together without the stress of shopping. It went off with only one little hitch, my oldest daughter who loves giving gifts did sneak in tiny presents. She was forgiven. We ate, talked more and really enjoyed the company of each other in a much more relaxed environment.

This year as the subject came around to the “giving of gifts”, I got to stand back and watch a robust shout of “no presents again this year!” The smiles and total agreement of how much more delightful the holiday season was without the stress of shopping made the decision a simple one. We then started planning our time together, from a possible carriage ride to a brunch gathering and a very competitive game of Scrabble, all involving the beauty of time well spent together.

How about you? Are you looking for that perfect gift to give your family and friends?

I truly suggest giving them the best part of YOU, your time. It really is the gift that will keep on giving, long after the Christmas decorations are packed away for another year.

Even if you have “little ones” on your Christmas list, the gift of time could be a year long gift. A Saturday morning ritual of a breakfast out, a movie once a month, reading a big book one chapter at a time and just being present with that child is so much more meaningful than the latest video game or a Furby.

The common denominator is TIME and it is a currency of great value.

I hope you will enjoy this holiday season with all of the gusto it deserves and I hope you enjoy your TIME spent with friends and family.

I would love to hear your comments on how you enjoy spending your time during the holidays. And while we are talking about time, let me say how much I appreciate the TIME you take to read and comment on each of my posts. I value each and every one of you, so thank you!

 

 

photo credit: Shereen M via photopin cc

 

Zen Tractor

By Leave a Comment 3

“Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak”.
― Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati,

I have always had a problem with sitting long enough to clear my mind and meditate.  Actually I should say my monkey mind has a problem sitting still for very long, always jumping from thought to thought and chattering incessantly.

Over the years I have tried to sit and let my thoughts ebb and flow like a river, which they do for about 30 seconds and then the monkey mind begins. So I gave up, threw in my meditation cushion and called it quits!

Then I learned to drive the tractor and a whole different world opened up for me.

A world where doing this one task allows me to open my mind and let my thoughts move along with the rhythm of the tractor tires. Mowing the pastures while being surrounded by nature allows my mind to find the freedom it needs from the constant multi-tasking patterns. I am able to look at things from a more Zen perspective and let my thoughts just flow.

Walking is another way to allow my thoughts to expand. Each morning as I walk the dog my mind is observing nature and taking in the beauty of the moment. I can choose to just let my thoughts flow or allow my mind to go through its own agenda, finding the peace I’m seeking or the solution to a problem.

We all have that one thing in our daily lives that allow our minds to be present and focused. Tasks as simple as washing dishes, folding clothes, walking the dog or mowing a pasture can stop the monkey mind from its continuous chattering and usher in a sense of calm.

Meditation can be defined differently from person to person but for me it’s being in a state of mind where I can either close out the world and be with my tractor and nature or open my mind to work with a problem or dilemma that requires my focus.

What about you? Can you find that one thing that allows you to open your mind and just be?

Pay attention during your daily routine to what brings you the most calm and allows you to be present. Enjoy the beauty of what that one task or simple thing in your routine does for your mind. Then begin to find more things that do the same. Look at your daily life differently knowing that each thing you do can bring your mind into focus and will allow the monkey to sit in calm repose.

I would love to hear your comments on what you have found in your daily life that allows your mind to be at peace.

For me, I’m off to mow more pastures.

photo credit: Old Shoe Woman via photo pin cc

War Of Words

By Leave a Comment 6

Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.
Maya Angelou

I have been bombarded by words lately; beautiful ones, grammatically correct ones, encouraging ones, ugly ones and difficult ones. All of them affect me in different ways, ranging from loving the words to disagreeing with the words to embracing the words. Some of these words are mine, some are not but all have an impact on my life and the lives of others.

When we choose the words we want to say, do we think about the impact?« Continue »