Zen Chick

Zen Chick

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"There is more to life than increasing its speed. Slow down, breathe and enjoy. "

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Archives for September 2013

Emotions. Don’t Judge, Just Flow.

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 28

“Let your feelings flow freely, accept each one of them, know that they are your feelings and no one is to blame for them. Live from your essence and watch your feelings flow; only when you accept them can you understand the story of your life.”~ Patricia Selbert, The House of Six Doors.

Don’t you just love those Emoticons? You can put smiley faces all over emails, text messages and your Facebook updates. Even when you are not feeling so “smiley” you can hide behind those cute little faces.

Every day we are faced with a whirlwind of emotions; anger, joy, fear, love, jealousy and the list goes on. Some of these emotions we acknowledge and some we try desperately to push away.

Why do we want to push some away? 

For various reasons, the biggest one is out of shame for having an emotion that we feel is inappropriate at the time.

Imagine this, your best friend calls and tells you about a super exciting thing that just happened to her or him. You of course are excited too but lurking in the background is a little jealousy or even envy.

Now you feel terrible because “shame” has walked into the picture and the conversation in your head sounds like this: “How dare you feel that way when your friend has such good news. Don’t you know you are not supposed to?”

This type of conversation now begins the patrol of the “emotion police.”

The emotion police get their rules from lots of different places; what society dictated as acceptable, what your parents told you growing up, other authority figures in your past or even a close friend. Their job is to make you think that having some “unsavory” (their word not mine) emotional reaction will doom you to the far corners of shame and remorse hell, leaving you feeling terrible and overanalyzing the whole emotional thing way too much.

Let’s look at how to change this pattern and decide that this game with the emotion police has got to stop!

First remember that we are all human beings, who make mistakes and have emotions that sometimes feel out of our control. The thing we can control is the ability to recognize our emotions and call them by their names.

When you try to run away from envy or jealousy or anger, that emotion only becomes bigger and harder to deal with. Once you call anger, anger instead of being a little upset, you are no longer fighting that emotion. Instead of rationalizing or beating yourself up, sit with it and watch it flow by.

Saying hello to that unwanted emotion just means that you know it is present but you are choosing not to dance with it. It takes two to tango and without a dance partner the unwanted emotion will move along.

On the flip side, there will be times when that emotion needs you to take its hand and move around the dance floor, knowing that you are leading the dance and can quit whenever YOU feel ready.

You are always the lead dance partner in the emotional tango and you can watch from the sidelines or take a spin around the dance floor. The emotion police can no longer break into YOUR dance because you are calling the shots.

The more you practice, the better dance partner you will become and when those unwanted emotions come charging at you, you will be able to watch the show acknowledging each emotion by name and letting them slip out the door.

I would love to hear your comments below on how you handle letting emotions flow in your life. (you may have some juicy tips to share and we would love to hear them!) And as always share the love of this post with someone in your life that might need a little help getting rid of the “emotion police.”

 

photo credit: el_finco via photopin cc

What Are You Willing To Give Up To Get More?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Sep 14

“A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.”~Mark Twain 

More what you may say? You can insert anything into the answer, more time, more focus, more space to create. The list can become never ending.

The “giving up” I want to talk about today is something that may seem easy until you choose to do it. Ready?

Bad habits and negative thoughts. Not too scary, right? Wrong!

These can be our most secure security blankets ever and as uncomfortable as they can be they do provide comfort and security. Crazy right?

For example, we all have our favorite go-to comfort food when life has handed us some heavy crap to deal with and I’m willing to bet that it’s not carrot sticks and yogurt. Comfort equals security. See where I’m going.

Now for the nitty gritty of this. Maybe you would like a little less stress in your day to day life. Which in turn would open up the possibility of more focus, which would lead to more time and in turn would allow you to create space for the things you truly want to do in your life.

See, getting more!  (this is not a rabbit hole I promise)

When you want to create something in your life, like less stress, more focus and more time then you have to be willing to sacrifice something to get it. Old habits out, new habits in. Old negative thoughts out, new positive ways of looking at things in.

A great exchange but oh boy what it takes to make it happen.

Let’s look at one way to give up something to get something better from my own personal experience. 

I wanted to make more time for writing which seemed impossible but I knew I had to make an exchange, give up to get more. For me, doing something that really spoke to my heart and what really needed my time, meant I had to stop thinking that 20 or 30 minutes was not enough time to spend on writing or anything of importance.

I would look at the clock around 8:30pm and think, “Oh it’s only 30 minutes before I need to start winding down for the night so I don’t have time to write.” So what would happen? I would fritter away that 30 minutes on Facebook, checking email, watching TV or doing something that truly wasn’t necessary. (see old habits and negative thoughts)

Then when I truly started searching for the time to write, guess where I found it? Yep, in that little 30 minute window that I didn’t think was enough time to accomplish much. Now it has become a new habit and I value that time because it allows me to do something that adds value to my life. Plus I am sharing my writing with you which is much more fulfilling than the other stuff I was doing.

Giving up those negative thoughts of not enough time and the habit of wasting time gives me so much more in return.

What are you willing to give up to get more? Start small, think about what you have been wishing for (even if it’s only an extra 30 minutes to call your own) and figure out what small habit or thought is preventing you from doing exactly what you want to do. Then share your ah-ha’s in the comment section below, I would love to hear your story.

Share the love of this post with someone in your life that would like to” get more ” in their lives too. 

* Feel like you don’t know where to start with this process or maybe you know what you want to change but not how to get there. I would love to help you! My Work With Me page is now up and running with 3 different ways to achieve your goals. Let me be your best cheerleader along your journey, helping you to achieve living a life you love. 

photo credit: michibanban via photopin cc

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This is a place where we learn to slow down, enjoy our lives as they are right now, and simplify through reconnecting with nature and the moon. Learn more on the About Me page.

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These are charities that I believe are making a difference in our world. I welcome you to check them out and please donate if one speaks to you.

World Central KitchenWorld Central KitchenI believe that food, shelter and water are basic rights for every human on this planet. Jose’ Andres’ and his WCK group step in to provide beautiful, nutritious food during disasters, the pandemic, and any other opportunity where people need to be fed.Learn More Foothills Humane SocietyFoothills Humane SocietyThis is my local shelter, in Columbus, NC, doing a wonderful job at remaining as close to 100% no kill as possible. Animals make us more human and I believe in adopting not shopping for pets, saving a life with a new beginning.Learn More Trees, Water & People Trees, Water & People Caring for Mother Earth by planting trees, helping people live sustainably and decreasing our carbon footprint are things that I see as very important for the next seven generations.Learn More Lakota Law ProjectLakota Law ProjectI have a strong kinship to Native people and this group works to change many of the injustices done to the first people that still go on today, such as the right to vote.Learn More

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