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Archives for November 2012

Okay So You Are “Mad as Hell,” Now What?

By Gay Barefield Leave a Comment Nov 28

No, this is not about the election results, this is about YOUR life! 

We have all been there, “Mad as hell and we are not going to take it anymore!”

Frustrated, confused and feeling like you are stuck at the end of a very dead end road. Whether it’s your job, a relationship, a financial situation or your life, when you get to that boiling point is when you can make some of your biggest changes.

Negativity can lead to a positive outcome if you use it to move you forward.

Like a hamster on a wheel it takes a while to get to the “mad as hell” point. You have been pushed, pulled or held at emotional gun point to get here and once here you don’t want to lose that momentum. This is the fire that burns in your belly and moves you out of what’s comfortable to something new and truly wonderful.

How did you get to this point? 

The job, relationship, financial situation or stagnant phase of your life that has created the “mad as hell” reaction comes from you losing or blurring the lines of your boundaries.

And what are your “boundaries?”

Your boundaries are your sacred personal space, the line you draw in the sand, the thing that you refuse to compromise on and  your self respect. Boundaries are not about being rude, victimized or aloof. When I’m talking about boundaries issues I’m talking about things that you do to compromise yourself, your self respect and your overall well being.

When you repeatedly step over that boundary line then the “mad as hell” fight begins. 

So how do you change this?

First overcome your fear that accompanies any kind of change. Decide how you want to change the situation and where your “boundary weakness” is within that situation.

Change could be as simple as saying No more often. Saying No can be difficult at first but what you will gain is more respect from others than saying yes all the time. This turns the word “No” into a positive thing.

We all like being in our comfort zone even when it becomes uncomfortable. This is especially true with relationships, whether intimate, friendship or business. Who wants to leave that warm and fuzzy comfort zone even if our boundaries look like they went through a paper shredder?

Knowing when to walk away from a relationship that has run its course just strengthens your boundaries and moves you to the next level. 

Jobs, finances and stagnant phases of your life can all be interconnected when you are not living your dream and respecting your boundaries. Maybe it’s not your job you hate but the disrespect or feeling under appreciated you dislike. Again it comes back to boundaries, allowing someone to take advantage of you or like the saying goes,”You teach people how to treat you.” Standing up for yourself is not a selfish thing, it allows you to live your life fully.

Looking at your life through this boundary lens may be a whole different approach for you but I promise if you try it you will definitely see changes within yourself and others around you.

Start small looking through your boundary lens and when you feel ready then tackle the “mad as hell” situation in your life.

Small can be something as simple as how you spend your time every day. Is social media, email or text messages robbing you of precious minutes? Stand your ground and reclaim that time for you!

I hope seeing your life through the boundary lens will open up a different view for you and allow you to change some things that need to be addressed. As a very wise person told me recently; “Not everyone deserves a front row seat in your life” and this can be true for everything not just people.

I would love to hear your comments or even questions about your boundary issues.

* If boundary issues are a problem for you or you would like some creative ways to deal with some of these things, look for my upcoming workshop, “The Art of Defining Your Boundaries~A Journey of Self Reflection.” Launch date January/February 2013*

 

photo credit: joshjanssen via photopin cc

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