It all started around the end of October 2016 when I hit the wall. My mind and my body finally said “ENOUGH” and I was forced to listen. I was done, fried, nothing was fun and everything I did was like walking through mud, slow, slogging and never getting anywhere.
I had decisions to make, was I going to stop forward progress on a dream that I had been working on or leave this dream alone and give myself the space I needed? Or was I going to push on the way I had been going?
After much back in forth in my brain and a long talk with my hubby (who already knew the answer I needed), I stepped away not promising to come back to my dream but knowing that both of us (me and my dream) needed space.
One thing that I had to do was make a promise to myself that I would not give in to any new projects because I knew what was ahead…..my brain gets “twitchy”, as I call it, always looking for something to latch onto, to work on, to feel productive.
But not this time because I felt that I needed freedom from everything, time to have open white space in my life.
I would be lying if I didn’t say the first few weeks were very hard. I would see something in my inbox, on the internet or listen to one of my clients talk about a new project they were doing and my brain would look like Jack Russell Terrier jumping up and down, saying “Let’s go, let’s go, we can dooooo this….!”
I managed to get past this (thankfully-whew!) and what happened next was surprising, my creativity reappeared, I could write again, things flowed easier and I could BREATHE! I was reconnecting with friends, making time for all of the things I had put on hold.
So as the New Year approached, I had to once again do some soul searching. I have always set goals/resolutions for each New Year, it’s what motivates me and keeps me focused.
Coming off of what I had been through though I knew how easily I could fall back into some of the same bad patterns and truthfully I was enjoying this open space I had created.
And once again words of wisdom from my sweet husband when I asked his opinion on the subject of ditching goals, “I think it would be good for you to do it.” Wow, even he had noticed the difference in me.
So this year, 2017, I’m “goal-less”, letting lots of white space surround me, continuing my promise of no new projects and allowing the rhythm of my life to carry me along.
And my dream has found me again, showing me a different direction, no pressure just gentle pushes to move me along. Lots of open space!